Due Date

Well, many people ask us over and over "how the adoption is going", and "when will you get your baby?" We are frustrated because we have no "due-date" to give or any tangible evidence to look forward to.

So .... we made up our own due-date!

Yep according to our due-date, we are 8 weeks pregnant right now. The baby is the size of a kidney bean and the eyelids are forming and the little fingers are getting longer. The way we got to the due-date is I said, "Daniel pick a day" and in my head, I had his birthday because it will be one year from the day we went to the orientation meeting. He actually picked my birthday - which was weird, so we picked each other's birthdays and the logical thing to do next was pick our anniversary - which is perfect, because it is like we just got pregnant and have a "real" 9 months to plan and get ready.

Now, we realize it could happen sooner (unlikely, but definitely possible) and we realize it could take longer, but at this stage in the process, we felt 9 months was a fair guess and we could actually track a pregnancy and learn about the process even though we are not physically going through it ourselves. It helps us to pray for the stages our baby will go through and it's birthmother, as well.

So - the due-date for our baby is September 12th, 2006. If we get one sooner, great! If later - then fine - but at least we are now focused on a detail that will help us get some prespective and do things in order.

Please Pray for the Birth Parents

When I first began this journey, I was praying every night, "Dear Lord, who ever she is out there, please let her change her mind and not have sex ... let her repent of whatever it is she is doing that will make her getting pregnant a bad thing. Let her come to a saving knowledge of You and allow her to get pregnant when she is in a great marriage like mine and that way she can keep her baby."

Then I thought, wow ... am I praying away all my chances at having a baby? Then I snapped out of it. Then I was praying stuff like, "Dear God, since it is going to happen anyway, and You know it is going to happen, whoever she is, please help her to make wise choices and allow her to take good care of her body and our baby. Help her to not crave cigarettes, or alcohol or drugs of any kind. Help her to eat well, and rest well and be a safe home for our baby until we get to take it home."

They say there are "no guarantees" even if you birth your own child, but I say there ARE guarantees. There are definite guarantees that my child would not come out addicted to any drugs. There are definite guarantees that my embryo-baby would never be exposed to cigarette smoke, or alcohol. Maybe the occasional Abba Zabba candy bar, but nothing toxic. I can safely guarantee that my baby's father will not be in prison for committing a horrible crime. Those are a few guarantees right off the top of my head.

So how do we pray? I am praying that whoever the birthparents are, they are at least in agreement to relinquishing their parenting rights.

I pray that the birthmother will not shrug her shoulders and think to herself, "I am not raising this baby, so who cares if I drink and smoke?"

I pray that whoever the biological grandparents are, that they will be in full support of placing their grandchild for adoption.

I also pray they will not try and force an unwanted placement for adoption.

I pray that the birthmother can have a clear vision of her wishes for future contact or news of our baby.

I pray that there will be a peaceful transfer - even though it is unnatural for a mother to hand over her baby at birth.

I pray that the birthmother and father will learn a great lesson, or many great lessons from this and that they will be accessable to our baby if our baby ever wants to meet them someday.

I pray that our baby doesn't suffer too bad with separation anxiety and that Daniel and I will be able to comfort our child as it aquaints itself with our voices, and smells and our touch.

I pray that the birthparents will look to Jesus for their strength and not any other means to comfort themselves.

I pray that they will be able to forgive each other...

... that they will heal and be able to move forward in life without too much pain or regret.

I pray for any other siblings to our child, that if they are old enough to realize the loss, that they will find comfort, and if they are not born yet, and find out about it later, that they will be able to process it and accept it.

There are SOOOOO many things to pray.

Please help us, and pray for this adoption. Pray whatever God leads you to pray, and let me know if you think of anything else I can add to my own prayers!

Profile Book Cover Page

This took me about 6 hours of cutting, pasting, tweaking, adjusting transparency, and all kinds of digital imaging, but I had alot of fun doing it. It is weird to think that this front page will be the first thing that the birthmother will see and it will either intrigue her enough to look inside the profile book and find out more about us, or it will be passed over as she goes on to another couple.

I know it is God's will - whoever looks at this picture and chooses us, but it still feels like a HUGE responsibility rests on my shoulders to make it look "just right." Well, I guess it's good that I am the one doing it, then. There are actually companies that do this for people - present the profile book and try to make the couple look their best. I am glad we are doing it all ourselves. I am so thankful that I have the ability. It's like all the years of scrapbooking was preparing me for this exact moment in time - the experience of making this book that will influence the birthmother who will change our lives forever.

Amazing.

Blood Tests: Clear!

Well, it's always nice to know that you don't have AIDS or tuberculosis.

So, now all we have to do is wait for the DOJ and FBI clearance and we are ready to roll. I wonder what the social worker will be like. I wonder what they will ask us in our seperate interviews.

I wonder if there will ever be a time to just wait and not think about it and just live like normal. That is what we want to do - just not think about it, but you can't help it. You wonder if you will get a 6 ft tall girl when you and your husband average in at 5 foot 4. You wonder if the birthmother will stalk you - and then you think that you wouldn't blame her, and how it would be kinda weird if she never wanted any contact or info on the baby at all.

Before we began the process, it was great - just live like normal and trust that if we get pregnant it's God's will and it's the right time. Don't push it, don't try and prevent it - just live like normal. If it happens, it happens. That has been a great feeling and I am so thankful for the last 8 years with Daniel.

Now that we have taken action, it feels like I am second guessing every move hoping it is the 'right' move and wondering if it is God's will, or if I am forcing something. I liked being content either way, but now that we are the ones actively "trying" to adopt, I feel like I am placing myself in the way of possible dissappoinment and feeling like we failed at something.

Here we were, a totally secure couple and we knew if a baby came, it was totally God's will. If not - then obviously, again, His will.

Well, now, here we are and we have to jump through all these hoops and take all these classes and pass all these tests and go through interviews and have our home inspected and pay all this money and stop and go at other people's commands. We can't just shop at our leisure, it has to be by a certain date - an expiration date on an Enfamil can, or we have to be re-certified for CPR if time runs out or re-take bloodtests. They say that adoption is about dealing with loss (the inability to conceive) well, I don't feel that way. I think that this process isn't about loss at all. I feel like it is about a big fat gain - a huge burden to prove that you can "take it" and that no kid will ever wear you down because if you can get through all the crap that they make you do, then believe me - NOTHING can shake you! They should pass out I SURVIVED THE ADOPTION OBSTACLE COURSE t-shirts to all parents who get their profile book out there. Seriously.

Toys R Us SALE!

Okay - I did NOT want to buy baby stuff yet. It feels like we are playing house. But ... Toys R Us in Brea is gong out of business. Kristina told me a couple days ago that the one by her (up North) is going out of business and asked if there is anything I need. I said let me know what you see next time you are in there. Well, today we went to TGIFriday's for lunch after church and Toys R Us is in the same parking lot and we looked over there and it is closing.

We went in to buy the cabinet latches for the homestudy and also the formula that we have to have in our earthquake kit. We figured since we HAVE to have this stuff, might as well have it on sale! Then we got sucked into baby world. We tried to resist, but there were these monitors with not 1, not 2 but 3 baby monitors and 2 receivers! How perfect is that for a 3 story condo?! Now I can do the laundry while baby is asleep and not panic and rush! Everything in the store was on sale - the entire store. So - Daniel sees this Eddie Bauer diaper bag and decides he needs it. I said, "go for it, babe." I think he realizes early on that he will be the one to carry it everywhere, so he might as well have a say as to how it looks. It is black (or a VERY dark blue) with a tan, suede top and a tan & black accent fabric that matches a car seat we already have. It is backpack style. Very manly.

If it were up to me, I'd toss a diaper in my pocket and go. I am just not the purse/tote girl. When I was watching Jayden, I was so low maintenance with her. Daniel and I discussed it and we both agree that the baby will be an addition to our family, not the center of it and we will live just fine without all the latest and greatest gadgets and gimmicks. We think the baby will be just fine with the bare necessities, and we want minimal fuss and frills. We got one of those crib-mattress sized concave foam changing pads for the bathroom sink area instead of buying a changing table. We aren't even going to buy a dresser for the 2nd bedroom (aka the baby's room) because when we had the closet system installed afew years ago, we planned it for in case we have kids someday and all it will take is the re-arranging of a couple shelves and voila! Instant baby central.

I wanted to buy the bedding this weekend, but when we saw this sale, we figured it was a good opportunity to get stuff for the homestudy. It was a little tempting to buy stuff like the extra rearview mirror for the car - but we figure that is stuff that will always be around and not too expensive, so we just did the stuff we need for the study, and the monitors. Daniel wants to go back because they are selling all their store supplies - including shelving, etc ... one of the things he wants to see if they will sell is is the fire extinguishers they have all over the place. We figure if they are on sale - why not? We are required to have 3 - one on each level of the home.

I am so tired. I have so much to keep doing. I know they will make us fix up our garage even more than it already is. There are a few shelves with tools and stuff that they will probably want locked. Anyway, like I said - it is a strange feeling buying this stuff with no baby, no kicking inside me - no confirmation that it will ever get here. Just faith, and nothing else. It's surreal.

ouch.

I did not enjoy the TB test.

Not one bit.

4 Viles of Blood

Okay - sounds gruesome ... and I guess it got you to look, but when you think about it, 4 viles isn't much compared to what natural childbirth would produce! I went to the doc's today for my check-up and for him to fill out all the paperwork on me. This includes going back tomorrow for a TB test, and all kinds of other stuff that required at least 4 viles. That was not fun, but I am sure it beats hours and hours of labor. I got an AIDS test - the lab technician whispered to me, "um, we need you to sign this confidentiality form ..." and I said, "I didn't order this test, I know my husband came in here a couple weeks ago, but we're adopting a baby and they're MAKING us do this, we don't think we have AIDS!" It was weird defending myself and my marriage - I am sure people go in there all the time for that (unfortunately), but when they look at you like, "oh - you're here for the AIDS test ..." it just feels weird!

We only have 2 pieces of paper left to turn in - the sketch of all the rooms in our home (like a blueprint) and our plan of escape in case of fire, and Daniel's birth certificate. then we are done. I can't believe we finished the entire packet of drama.

Amy called me the other day and she faxed me a copy of the reference request. They asked her how many years she has known us, etc ... and then asked her what my weakest quality is. We have been best friends since I was 12 - so she knows ALL my weakest traits - even the ones that aren't obvious to most. So we had a good laugh and I said, "did you look at the form and say to yourself, 'which one?!' " And we went over a bunch of stuff over the years that WERE my weakest traits but aren't any more and we analyzed why I am the way I am ... and we were both right - but I'm not stupid enough to post THAT conversation on a blog! ;-)

Well, I have alot of work to do. I decided to go ahead and buy our baby the bedding I want. I figure that by the time this all goes down, it will be out of season and no longer available, so I am caving in and making our first-ever baby purchase. We already got our first present from Hector and Charlene. It is a cute little white onesie with detachable angel wings on the back and on the front is says Heaven Sent. Both the front AND the back seem very appropriate! It came on a darling little white padded hanger. It is proudly hanging in the baby's room. I guess I better start getting used to it.

Banisters = done!

Well, now all the painting of the banisters is finished.

Daniel called the agency today to see how soon it will be till we get assigned a social worker. Anne, the intake woman, said they are waiting on the Department of Justice's review of our fingerprints and live scan ... so what's the hold up? (no pun intended)

I talked to Rob and Marie about a profile book and they said they were encouraged to just make their own - no formula or anything, so it looks like I can begin doing that. We have one more 8 hour class to take and Daniel is looking into when that will be. They only have 1 every 6 months, so we don't want to miss it!

Note to self:

When painting 50+ 1/2 inch by 1/2 inch wood baulisters, paint BEFORE you build the railing!

We got a break for once ....

Today Daniel went to Lowes to purchase the plywood that will cover up the fireplace. He picked out a big piece and took it to the back to have it cut. The guy saw it and said, "I have some scraps of that same wood - would you like that?" And Daniel had 2 cuts made and the guy only charged him 2$ for the entire thing and sent him on his way! Woo Hoo! We were so happy that we got a break - it was a great way to start the New Year!

In other news, Daniel's brother is joining the Army and tonight was a small gathering of friends and family at our favorite Thai place. Well, Daniel's sister told us that one of her co-workers is pregnant and looking to place her baby for adoption. She is currently homeless (sleeping at friends' houses, etc ...) and she has an older son who she is having problems providing for already. He boyfriend has 2 children already and does not want a 3rd. Apparently, they asked Daniel's sister if she knew of anyone looking to adopt ... we'll see where this leads. We have been down this road a couple times already - where people ask us if we are interested in adopting and then the birthmom decides to keep her baby. We told her to give this woman our number and we will place her in touch with the agency if she is serious. Then she will go through counseling and maybe she will not even pick us, but at least it will be done right. The agency does allow you to bring in your own birthmother and they provide legal services to you under the financing you already paid them if that becomes the case, but I would rather give her the choice to look at other families and not feel obligated to pick us. I want to make sure it is a God- thing and not anything we forced or pushed for out of impatience. I trust His timing over mine 100%!

This week we plan to finish painting the banisters and then we'll post pictures. Happy New Year!