Another Potential

Well, yesterday, we got a call from Danielle, our social worker. She said that there was a birthmom who wanted one visit during the first year, are we interested in being considered? I said yes. So, back in the pile we go to see if our book will appeal to her and if we get picked or not.

I am not even excited, or anything. It's weird. I feel like I don't even want to deal with emotions, I just want to wait and see what the Lord will do and I will know it's Him when they put the baby in my arms. No sooner. So why anticipate and get all worked up over it?

I do admit, I am feeling like I should get all the extra Christmas stuff out of the second bedroom ... just in case ...

They picked another family ...

I just told Daniel and we're both fine. Last night when we went to bed, I was saying I just had this feeling that this wasn't our turn. I don't know if we are wishing for a girl and trying to stay open minded ... because it's not like God doesn't know our hearts.

Also, I really have been thinking about it and checking my heart, and I am surprised at how much the drug thing didn't bother me. I mean, it bothered me at first, but the last few days I was realizing, our whole gig is to bless a child, not get the perfect child who will bless us. So, I was completely comfortable with whatever God chose for us and committed myself to the thought that it was possible that this baby was it ... with a birthmother who did drugs in our lives and everything. When I found out that we were not chosen, I actually breathed a sigh of relief ... not that we didn't get the baby, but that I could stop wondering. And I called Daniel and he felt the same way - relieved, so obviously this wasn't meant to be. We both have total peace and now have officially been through our first experience ... no harm, no foul.

One thing I must say though ... me and Amy, and also Charlene joked about it ... I almost feel worse about them not liking our profile book than not liking us as people ... isn't that funny? Like ... "okay, okay - you didn't pick us, but tell me ... did you like the book?"

Anyway, I gotta break the news to my parents. Thanks to everyone for the prayers and support ...

See you on the next go 'round!

No News Yet

Believe me ... I would write it down first thing. And ... if we did have a baby here, it wouldn't get any sleep because the phone has been ringing off-the-hook. Being excited doesn't make it happen any faster ... trust me, I know.

So, thank you everyone for praying for us & the POSSIBILITY of a baby. Thank you especially to those who have e-mailed so I don't jump in anticipation each time the phone rings. And thanks to those who call like normal about everyday stuff like finding ornaments at Michaels, or haircuts or lunch dates. I need *normal* right now. I can handle those calls just fine, it keeps my mind off it.

Please, I love you guys, that's why I started this blog, so you would know what's up and could share the joy & blessing, but we need some peace. Please, don't call just to say, "any news yet?" It feels like I am letting everyone down everytime I have to say "no."

I know you mean well, I know you're excited for us, but when you add every call together, it's a little overwhelming. It's even gotten to the point where Daniel called today and said, "Did you hear anything?" AS IF I WOULDN"T CALL HIM THE MINUTE I HEARD!

Just had to get it out. Thanks for understanding ;-)

Update on Baby Boy

Okay, so I called the agency this morning to see if I could get any more information than what was left on the machine. On top of it, I accidentally erased the message last night when I went to hit rewind, so Daniel and I got to listen to it only 1 time each. Probably a good thing. Anyway, the birthmother used meth twice during the first 5 months. Said she drank 4 glasses of wine a week - or drank 4 times a week, I wasn't clear on that. She began getting prenatal care in August, so apparantly, in August, she decided to quit smoking, drinking and doing any drugs (hopefully for life, not just till the pregnancy was over). I don't know if she was in denial about her prenancy, or if maybe in August she got saved - who knows. Anyway, she will be looking at the books at 11:AM today and ours will be in the pile. The baby is already in Foster Care, so it's not like she has been with her baby all week. I guess what I am saying is that at this point it is unlikely that she will be changing her mind and decide to keep him. She did say she wants to meet the parents, and she is interested in the possibility of visits. So ... there you have it. You know as much as I do.

11 am. Please pray that God will direct her and nudge her to make the perfect decision according to HIS plan. If that includes us or not is not the point. We really only want what is best for the baby.

A baby boy was born ...

We got a call from the agency today at 3:30. I was doing a haircut at a friend's house, and Daniel was on his way home from the dentist. Ironically, me and my friend and her 2 daughters (who are also my friends) were laughing and joking about how I will do if we get a boy. Stuff like will he like football or want to play violin, etc ... and right in the middle of laughing, Daniel calls my cell and says our social worker called us and left a message on our machine. A baby boy was born on November 28th, are we interested in having our profile book shown to the birthparents? The mother was a smoker, and there was prenatal drug and alcohol use. They said she used up to 5 months into the pregnancy. The baby is 7 lbs, 10 oz, so we think that's a good sign. The mother is 1/2 hispanic, 1/2 caucasian (just like me!) and the dad is all hispanic (not like Daniel ... ha ha). They requested that the name Christian be used - either first or middle name, and we don't have a problem with that. They will be looking at profile books tomorrow morning, so PLEASE PRAY! This little baby boy who will be a week old tomorrow could be our son. We have no idea what the birthparents are looking for, or if this is God's will, but we trust Him and His amazing plan for our lives. We already had dinner plans with some friends tonight, so it will be good for us not to be here dwelling and obsessing over what could be. We will find out more tomorrow and post any new information. In the meantime, anyone who happens to read this, please pray for the following:

The birthmother, who is about to choose the fate of her baby.

The birthfather, who is about to do the same.

The baby, that it will be healthy and that it will end up in the exact home that God has intended for it.

For us, that God will make it obvious and clear if we are to say yes if we are picked.

Thank you to everyone who has helped out, prayed and stood by us. We may or may not have a baby by Christmas, and either way, God is good and He is the One worthy to be praised!