Oh my gosh ... my sister just came over today and brought us a bunch of amazing necessities for the baby! It felt like a personal baby shower in my garage! Daniel came home and he said he thought he was driving into a Toys R Us. She brought us a diaper genie (woo hoo!)wipe warmer, head cradle thing for the carseat - what's that called? The thing that keeps their head from bopping around when they are really little ... and a Bjorn sling! A baby backpack and another one that is difrferent ... And a stroller that is amazingly lightweight and folds so you can sling it over your shoulder (great for the Disneyland tram!) and a highchair that grows with the baby and can adjust in height so it can go up to the table or use the tray. Seriously... there is stuff in my garage that I didn't even know I needed ... but when I saw it I was like, "Oh yeah - that is necessary!"
We couldn't believe the blessings that poured into our home today. We weren't even aware of half the stuff you need. I think if we were pregnant, we would have spent more time in the stores, maybe even registering, but since we have have no "due-date" we have been focusing on the checklists and paperwork and classes, we really haven't done the walk-through the stores and imagine thing. We don't know what to imagine for - we put down zero to 3 years old ... and probably will get an infant, but it is such a "gamble". Tonight I was cleaning up the kitchen and I gathered all the checklists and we have 18 pages of checklists! Crazy, huh? Now that there is a bunch of stuff in the garage to go through, I feel like I can start clearing out the second bedroom. I feel like it is a big step of faith and I need to take it. I am not quite ready to set up a crib and plug in the baby wipe warmer, but I think it wouldn't be bad to at least have it all in the closet in the room.Okay ... phew ... here we go ...
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Feathering the Nest ... Little Time to Rest
Okay - so I am finally giving myself permission to get excited for a baby. I am really afraid of doing this. I think I will be afraid until the 1 year is up and the courts have spoken and the papers are signed by the judge.
But, I am taking baby-steps (no pun intended) and starting to get the house ready for the baby (as opposed to getting the house ready for the inspection.)Tonight we even went and got a bassinet and crib.
I sent out an e-mail to my sister and a couple friends who are great and fairly recent mommies asking their advice for the top 10 things I need for the first 24 hours. This worked really well when Daniel was diagnosed with diabetes and I asked my birthmother the top 10 things to know before we could get into the diabetes worskshops through the hospital. I think that I will have a little peace of mind if I know that we are ready for baby for the first 24 hours. After that, Daniel can easily run to the store and grab whatever we need. I don't think I would want to have to make him leave and do that the first couple days when we are in awe of our little one. I know we can stop on the way home and get whatever formula or the right size diapers. Apparently, Huggies is the diaper of choice by moms so far.
I am so blessed to have girl baby clothes waiting and boy baby clothes waiting depending whatever we end up getting! Thank you to my sister Heather, Amy & Melissa, Charlene, Carrie, Jennifer and all the people who have offered to pass down baby items to us! I can't say how much it is a blessing! When I was young (and foolish) I remember dreaming about shopping for a baby and picking out all the darling little outfits and decorating the nusery just right. Now that I am older (and wiser) I see how my priorities have changed and I care about soft clothes with no tags instead of designer labels. I care more about making sure the baby attaches to us, and that it is safe, loved and spiritually nurtured.
Still, there are the everyday needs that I have to prepare for, and now is probably a good time. I have picked out the stoller/carseat system that is light enough for me to lift & carry. We just got a play yard system with a bassinet that stands alone for upstairs next to the bed, or sits right inside the play yard downstairs. With our small condo, we have found that convertible options make more sense and take up less space. We bought a mini-crib (aka porta-crib) and we already picked out the bedding that we love that will allow us to keep the 2nd bedroom painted red and not have to do everything over whether it is a boy or a girl. I am posting them below. If any of you has heard bad things about the companies below, please tell us. We just did some research and also have tried the stuff out mostly because of my fibromyalgia and have found that the height of the crib we chose is good for me and the weight of the stroller system makes sense, but if any of this is unsafe, I would like to know before baby comes. Nothing is coming out of packages or getting set up, it's in the garage and we are saving all receipts.
As far as decorating the room, we are not doing a theme. We are keeping the bed in the second bedroom which is a cherrywood sleighbed, and it has a red & cream toile quilt with ticking stripe accents. As much as I like to say that the design isn't a "priority" I must admit, I am still Antoniette the designer and I just can't imagine pastel bedding in a deep red room! I definitely want to decorate my own baby's room. We chose (together) a red & white bedding set we saw with red striped and red gingham bedskirt and bumper trim. It does have a little red barn and a couple litle animals, but for the most part it is white. The last thing we want is to go crazy with matching stuffed cows, pigs and horses! It is subtle, and will blend perfectly with the decor. We do have a Thomas Kinkade painting of the Disney castle in there, and it will stay, but we are not doing a Disney theme of any sort. No new pictures on the wall, no shelves or cutesy animated wall hangings. I am having Bridget come in and paint a miniature Tinkerbell with her wand tapping the top corner of the painting if it is a girl, or a miniature Jiminey Cricket at the lower corner of the painting hanging from his umbrella if it is a boy and that's pretty much it. No new lighting, no fuss and frills. Just add the crib to the existing room.
Here's what we chose:
Stroller System
Bedding
This is the crib, but in Cherrywood
bassinet
But, I am taking baby-steps (no pun intended) and starting to get the house ready for the baby (as opposed to getting the house ready for the inspection.)Tonight we even went and got a bassinet and crib.
I sent out an e-mail to my sister and a couple friends who are great and fairly recent mommies asking their advice for the top 10 things I need for the first 24 hours. This worked really well when Daniel was diagnosed with diabetes and I asked my birthmother the top 10 things to know before we could get into the diabetes worskshops through the hospital. I think that I will have a little peace of mind if I know that we are ready for baby for the first 24 hours. After that, Daniel can easily run to the store and grab whatever we need. I don't think I would want to have to make him leave and do that the first couple days when we are in awe of our little one. I know we can stop on the way home and get whatever formula or the right size diapers. Apparently, Huggies is the diaper of choice by moms so far.
I am so blessed to have girl baby clothes waiting and boy baby clothes waiting depending whatever we end up getting! Thank you to my sister Heather, Amy & Melissa, Charlene, Carrie, Jennifer and all the people who have offered to pass down baby items to us! I can't say how much it is a blessing! When I was young (and foolish) I remember dreaming about shopping for a baby and picking out all the darling little outfits and decorating the nusery just right. Now that I am older (and wiser) I see how my priorities have changed and I care about soft clothes with no tags instead of designer labels. I care more about making sure the baby attaches to us, and that it is safe, loved and spiritually nurtured.
Still, there are the everyday needs that I have to prepare for, and now is probably a good time. I have picked out the stoller/carseat system that is light enough for me to lift & carry. We just got a play yard system with a bassinet that stands alone for upstairs next to the bed, or sits right inside the play yard downstairs. With our small condo, we have found that convertible options make more sense and take up less space. We bought a mini-crib (aka porta-crib) and we already picked out the bedding that we love that will allow us to keep the 2nd bedroom painted red and not have to do everything over whether it is a boy or a girl. I am posting them below. If any of you has heard bad things about the companies below, please tell us. We just did some research and also have tried the stuff out mostly because of my fibromyalgia and have found that the height of the crib we chose is good for me and the weight of the stroller system makes sense, but if any of this is unsafe, I would like to know before baby comes. Nothing is coming out of packages or getting set up, it's in the garage and we are saving all receipts.
As far as decorating the room, we are not doing a theme. We are keeping the bed in the second bedroom which is a cherrywood sleighbed, and it has a red & cream toile quilt with ticking stripe accents. As much as I like to say that the design isn't a "priority" I must admit, I am still Antoniette the designer and I just can't imagine pastel bedding in a deep red room! I definitely want to decorate my own baby's room. We chose (together) a red & white bedding set we saw with red striped and red gingham bedskirt and bumper trim. It does have a little red barn and a couple litle animals, but for the most part it is white. The last thing we want is to go crazy with matching stuffed cows, pigs and horses! It is subtle, and will blend perfectly with the decor. We do have a Thomas Kinkade painting of the Disney castle in there, and it will stay, but we are not doing a Disney theme of any sort. No new pictures on the wall, no shelves or cutesy animated wall hangings. I am having Bridget come in and paint a miniature Tinkerbell with her wand tapping the top corner of the painting if it is a girl, or a miniature Jiminey Cricket at the lower corner of the painting hanging from his umbrella if it is a boy and that's pretty much it. No new lighting, no fuss and frills. Just add the crib to the existing room.
Here's what we chose:
Stroller System
Bedding
This is the crib, but in Cherrywood
bassinet
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Thank you Heather, Charlene and John Farmer
THANK YOU Sissy for the wooden baby gate ... we painted it white and it will fit without any problem at the bottom of the stairs on the landing. WHAT A RELIEF! And the slots match the slots in the banisters. I really appreciate your hand-me-downs that are like brand-new! If you ever get a puppy, you can have it back!
Thank you Charlene for the plastic baby gate! It will not fit on any of our banisters, but we found a great use for it! In the garage, we had to find a way to get the paint out of child's reach. We could not fit all the house paint in the workbench cupboards, because then there wouldn't be a way to lock up the tools, but the gate you gave us fit perfectly between the workbench cabinet and the wall and we are able to store things there and it will pass inspection without us having to buy covered shelving with locks! Thank you for passing that down to us! And also, thank you for your other amazing offer. We are blessed.
Thank you John Farmer for your gift of making us custom baby gates for those diffficult stairway banisters that don't match the other side of the wall with the handrails. You have no idea what a burden you have lifted from our shoulders by offering to do that. We sat there for months pretending to be MacGuyver with NO LUCK and we were baffled. You came at the right time, in the nick of time and rescued us!
It's things like this that the Lord uses to show us He is our Provider. It's people like you who step in and fill the void, and minister to our needs, even when we think we can do it on our own. We have had some pretty rough times the past couple years, and it is so nice to take the step of faith and begin to trust and depend on people again. God's family is truly diverse, and truly amazing. Thank you for sharing your gifts, your talents, your time and yourselves with us. We appreciate it more than you know.
Thank you Charlene for the plastic baby gate! It will not fit on any of our banisters, but we found a great use for it! In the garage, we had to find a way to get the paint out of child's reach. We could not fit all the house paint in the workbench cupboards, because then there wouldn't be a way to lock up the tools, but the gate you gave us fit perfectly between the workbench cabinet and the wall and we are able to store things there and it will pass inspection without us having to buy covered shelving with locks! Thank you for passing that down to us! And also, thank you for your other amazing offer. We are blessed.
Thank you John Farmer for your gift of making us custom baby gates for those diffficult stairway banisters that don't match the other side of the wall with the handrails. You have no idea what a burden you have lifted from our shoulders by offering to do that. We sat there for months pretending to be MacGuyver with NO LUCK and we were baffled. You came at the right time, in the nick of time and rescued us!
It's things like this that the Lord uses to show us He is our Provider. It's people like you who step in and fill the void, and minister to our needs, even when we think we can do it on our own. We have had some pretty rough times the past couple years, and it is so nice to take the step of faith and begin to trust and depend on people again. God's family is truly diverse, and truly amazing. Thank you for sharing your gifts, your talents, your time and yourselves with us. We appreciate it more than you know.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Stuff I am beginning to think about ...
Amidst all the preparations, like getting baby gates to attach to uneven walls/banisters, and creating a California State-approved environment, I am really finding myself assessing my expectaitons for the future. I am hunkering down, so-to-speak, about the way Daniel and I handle our responsibilities. When it's just 2 adults for 9 years, you get into almost an unspoken comfortable way of communicating. We both know each others' needs, likes and dislikes. We know what the other requires to feel loved, cherished and safe.
I think that we need to really take a step back and look at what makes us work. Not the obvious, like Jesus being the Lord of our lives ... that will not change, but the things that make us feel special and the extra things we do to make the other feel like a priority. I want to make sure we know what things we are willing to sacrifice for baby and what things we need regardless of a baby being in our lives or not. For example, I can say goodbye to going out to eat as often, and I can give up alot of the spontaneous dates we go on, but I can not live without our nightly devotional and start giving it less priority just because we are too tired now. I will not give up being hugged and kissed first thing when he walks in the door because someone cuter is here to kiss now. There are certain things that after 9 years I realize I count on.
We have been watching other couples for a long time now. It has been so easy to say what we think they do wrong and what we would change if we were them. One thing though - they all have kids, we don't. We have something they don't ... time & privacy. We can immediately stop and discuss things the minute something comes up because it's just me and Daniel - nobody tugging at us or needing to be fed and changed or driven somewhere. If a problem arises, we deal with it almost on the spot every time since we like the orderly environment we have created in our home. I think alot of people think I am the only one who likes the order, but Daniel really thrives in it. Believe it or not, he wants organization as much as I do and we are both maintaining the way we live. What wil happen when you throw a baby into the mix - or a toddler? We can't just finish the dishes if baby gets a tummy ache and needs to be held and comforted. We can't just expect life to be as it was with "only a few minor adjustments."
I just want to touch base with my analytical self BEFORE the shock of a 3rd person in our lives forces me to do it. I would rather anticipate and plan for the future instead of react under stress. I would rather say, "hey, this is going to be so different, and we gotta get ready" instead of saying, " I had no idea it would be this hard!"
I think that we have had some practice. I have cared for MANY children over the years, of many ages, and as many of you know - lots of times, we get left with kids weeks and months at a time, not just hours. I think that Daniel and I have a reasonable understanding of what to expect when a child enters our home forever. It will be weird to not be able to come home and it just be us, alone. It will be weird to have to get up at certain hours no matter what if I am sick or not. I know I can do it, it's just that it will be hard some days and I want to say to myself,
You have had a great ride. You spent your years of not having kids well.
You never turned away a friend in need. You weren't a lazy bum.
You worked and made a good life for yourself and you didn't miss out on anything.
Don't think you have to keep your old lifestyle going the way it was.
It will be okay to tell people you can't listen to their problems sometimes.
It will be okay to miss a party or movie or planned event. You really have done it all in the past, you won't be missing out.
You don't owe it to any more people to attend and buy stuff from tupperware/pamperedchef/partylite/arbonne/creative memories parties
because now, you need to buy stuff for baby.
You can feel fine splitting the check and not treating people to lunch even though you want to.
Now it's time to concentrating on taking care of this one baby, not the whole world anymore.
The people who know you care will still know you care. You don't have to prove it.
The people who don't hang around you because you have a baby now, well they just were in your life for a season. Don't spend too much time missing them.
There are probably a hundred more things that are rattling around in my brain. I hope Daniel is thinking of some of these things too. I want him to be expecting some delays in the immediate gratification we have both become so accustomed to. I want him to think ahead about things like:
What if Antoniette gets sick on a day I have a softball game?
Maybe we need to cancel the sports chanel to save some money and I can still watch the Laker & Dodger games when they are on regular TV.
And other non-sports realted things.
I just know that when we got married, we really focused on our marriage, not the wedding. I want to adapt the same mindset to becoming parents. I want to care more about providing a safe, loving environment than the cutest clothing, bedding and nursery. I know that being a good mom will be a direct byproduct of being a wife who is loved and supported.
I think that we need to really take a step back and look at what makes us work. Not the obvious, like Jesus being the Lord of our lives ... that will not change, but the things that make us feel special and the extra things we do to make the other feel like a priority. I want to make sure we know what things we are willing to sacrifice for baby and what things we need regardless of a baby being in our lives or not. For example, I can say goodbye to going out to eat as often, and I can give up alot of the spontaneous dates we go on, but I can not live without our nightly devotional and start giving it less priority just because we are too tired now. I will not give up being hugged and kissed first thing when he walks in the door because someone cuter is here to kiss now. There are certain things that after 9 years I realize I count on.
We have been watching other couples for a long time now. It has been so easy to say what we think they do wrong and what we would change if we were them. One thing though - they all have kids, we don't. We have something they don't ... time & privacy. We can immediately stop and discuss things the minute something comes up because it's just me and Daniel - nobody tugging at us or needing to be fed and changed or driven somewhere. If a problem arises, we deal with it almost on the spot every time since we like the orderly environment we have created in our home. I think alot of people think I am the only one who likes the order, but Daniel really thrives in it. Believe it or not, he wants organization as much as I do and we are both maintaining the way we live. What wil happen when you throw a baby into the mix - or a toddler? We can't just finish the dishes if baby gets a tummy ache and needs to be held and comforted. We can't just expect life to be as it was with "only a few minor adjustments."
I just want to touch base with my analytical self BEFORE the shock of a 3rd person in our lives forces me to do it. I would rather anticipate and plan for the future instead of react under stress. I would rather say, "hey, this is going to be so different, and we gotta get ready" instead of saying, " I had no idea it would be this hard!"
I think that we have had some practice. I have cared for MANY children over the years, of many ages, and as many of you know - lots of times, we get left with kids weeks and months at a time, not just hours. I think that Daniel and I have a reasonable understanding of what to expect when a child enters our home forever. It will be weird to not be able to come home and it just be us, alone. It will be weird to have to get up at certain hours no matter what if I am sick or not. I know I can do it, it's just that it will be hard some days and I want to say to myself,
You have had a great ride. You spent your years of not having kids well.
You never turned away a friend in need. You weren't a lazy bum.
You worked and made a good life for yourself and you didn't miss out on anything.
Don't think you have to keep your old lifestyle going the way it was.
It will be okay to tell people you can't listen to their problems sometimes.
It will be okay to miss a party or movie or planned event. You really have done it all in the past, you won't be missing out.
You don't owe it to any more people to attend and buy stuff from tupperware/pamperedchef/partylite/arbonne/creative memories parties
because now, you need to buy stuff for baby.
You can feel fine splitting the check and not treating people to lunch even though you want to.
Now it's time to concentrating on taking care of this one baby, not the whole world anymore.
The people who know you care will still know you care. You don't have to prove it.
The people who don't hang around you because you have a baby now, well they just were in your life for a season. Don't spend too much time missing them.
There are probably a hundred more things that are rattling around in my brain. I hope Daniel is thinking of some of these things too. I want him to be expecting some delays in the immediate gratification we have both become so accustomed to. I want him to think ahead about things like:
What if Antoniette gets sick on a day I have a softball game?
Maybe we need to cancel the sports chanel to save some money and I can still watch the Laker & Dodger games when they are on regular TV.
And other non-sports realted things.
I just know that when we got married, we really focused on our marriage, not the wedding. I want to adapt the same mindset to becoming parents. I want to care more about providing a safe, loving environment than the cutest clothing, bedding and nursery. I know that being a good mom will be a direct byproduct of being a wife who is loved and supported.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
The Actual Questions they asked ...
Okay - so we sailed through the interviews. Started at 9 and didn't get done untill 1:30. We got all the paperwork, the profile book and everything we needed, and then got in the car and inched down the 57. We get to Orangethorpe and realize neither of us got the directions! So then we panic ... for like a 1/2 second, but it was a big panic. It was 8:56. We were on the freeway, had 4 minutes and no clue of where we were going. We jumped off, by memory at Orangethorpe and took a chance and turned right. I called Cingular's Info line and again, by memory, rattled off the number and street ... hoping it was close. We hit a red light and didn't know which lane to get in, again - took a chance on the right lane and the cingular angle said, "turn right on Placentia" and we had only 1 signal till we were there. We waltzed in at 9:02 and beat our interviwer! Phew!
So here's the questions:
How did you guys meet?
How long before you started dating?
How long until you got married?
What do you do for a living, Daniel?
So do you support this, Antoniette?
How would you describe your marriage?
How do you settle conflicts at home?
What are your life's goals?
Descibe your childhood.
So what do you do in your spare time?
Do you do everything together or have personal hobbies?
(etc ...)
Nothing invasive, nothing intimidating like I thought it would be ... then comes the individual interviews:
How would you descibe your spouse?
How were you disciplined as a child?
How do you feel towards birthmothers?
Do you want an open adoption?
What if the birthmother says she wants open and then takes off and you never hear from her again?
Have you read up on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?
How will your family respond to an adopted child?
Is there any drug use in your family?
(etc ...)
Again, pretty much a no-brainer.
Now, the home study comes. This will be October 12th. I picture this white glove test, but they said basically it's a safety thing. Reminds me of beauty school and state board testing- What should be important is that you do great hair, but all you seem to get tested on is sanitizing things.
Anyway, this is a HUGE relief. I got in the car and started yawning ... finally the sleep fairy decided to let me relax ... last night was the best night of sleep I have had in a week!
So now, I add about 10 pages to the profile book and we're done.
THANK YOU to everyone who prayed for us and sent messages of encouragement ... it has blessed us more than you even can understand!
So here's the questions:
How did you guys meet?
How long before you started dating?
How long until you got married?
What do you do for a living, Daniel?
So do you support this, Antoniette?
How would you describe your marriage?
How do you settle conflicts at home?
What are your life's goals?
Descibe your childhood.
So what do you do in your spare time?
Do you do everything together or have personal hobbies?
(etc ...)
Nothing invasive, nothing intimidating like I thought it would be ... then comes the individual interviews:
How would you descibe your spouse?
How were you disciplined as a child?
How do you feel towards birthmothers?
Do you want an open adoption?
What if the birthmother says she wants open and then takes off and you never hear from her again?
Have you read up on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?
How will your family respond to an adopted child?
Is there any drug use in your family?
(etc ...)
Again, pretty much a no-brainer.
Now, the home study comes. This will be October 12th. I picture this white glove test, but they said basically it's a safety thing. Reminds me of beauty school and state board testing- What should be important is that you do great hair, but all you seem to get tested on is sanitizing things.
Anyway, this is a HUGE relief. I got in the car and started yawning ... finally the sleep fairy decided to let me relax ... last night was the best night of sleep I have had in a week!
So now, I add about 10 pages to the profile book and we're done.
THANK YOU to everyone who prayed for us and sent messages of encouragement ... it has blessed us more than you even can understand!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Our "Dear Birth-Parent" letter
Hello Birth Parent,
We’re Daniel and Antoniette. We don’t know if we are the first profile you have researched, or the fiftieth but we do know how important this is to you. We promise you that we will be transparent and honest. The pictures you will see were not staged for your benefit, they’re all authentic and candid. We hope that you take some comfort in this as you take your first peek into our lives. We feel grateful and blessed that you have taken the time to view our profile, and at the same time a bit vulnerable letting someone we don’t know have access into our personal life like this.
Thank you for choosing your baby’s life and future over your own personal comfort. It is a blessing to know that you would choose this road of adoption despite all of the obstacles and difficulties. I (Antoniette) am especially touched, since I was adopted through Holy Family as a baby. I am thankful to my own birth-mom and to my parents for the choices they made so many years ago that made my great life possible. I feel my experience gives me unique insight to the future needs of our child. Daniel and I know that adoption is not just about taking home a “cute little baby” or “completing our family.” We know that it’s forever. We’ll be guiding our child from infant to toddler, from teen to adult and it certainly won’t stop there. We have been married for nine years and I (Antoniette) still call my mom & dad for advice - even if just to get a favorite recipe, or find out where the cheapest gas prices are this week. We understand that parenting is forever, and we’re committed to facing forever together.
We have an awesome life and would love to share it with a child. Our nine-year marriage has encouraged us and been an example to others to more fully trust God in their marriages. God has given us much more than we could have ever imagined with the exception of one thing ~ having a baby. We just figured when “it was time, it would happen.” After several years went by without any pregnancies, we just kept loving each other and enjoying our marriage. We prayed for the Lord to reveal His plan for our lives in His perfect timing and, we believe, He has. So here we are. Our relationship is stable, and we maintain an safe atmosphere in our home. We’re ready & excited to provide a lifetime of love and support to your baby.
We don’t know how you ended up here, at Holy Family, but we can imagine it isn’t your favorite place to be right now. It is hard for us to picture ourselves getting any joy and happiness out of what may possibly be another person’s biggest dilemma. Please know that we, and everyone we know, are praying for you and asking God to comfort you and guide you as you make decisions regarding your baby. Even though we don’t know your exact circumstances, we know that we have one thing in common - a love for this child. We don’t know how it will all turn out, but thankfully we know the One who does. As a Christian family, we see ministry as beginning in the home and we would consider it an honor to care for a child (or children) and serve as parents in your place. We believe that regardless of choosing us or not, our future and yours is still intact and holds many wonderful possibilities. Please be encouraged!
“All things work together for good for those who love God and for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
If it is your desire to meet with us, we would love to meet you. We know you have a big decision to make. Know our thoughts and prayers are with you during this important time of selecting the best family for your child.
Thank you so much for considering us, and God bless you and baby!
Faithfully,
Daniel & Antoniette
We’re Daniel and Antoniette. We don’t know if we are the first profile you have researched, or the fiftieth but we do know how important this is to you. We promise you that we will be transparent and honest. The pictures you will see were not staged for your benefit, they’re all authentic and candid. We hope that you take some comfort in this as you take your first peek into our lives. We feel grateful and blessed that you have taken the time to view our profile, and at the same time a bit vulnerable letting someone we don’t know have access into our personal life like this.
Thank you for choosing your baby’s life and future over your own personal comfort. It is a blessing to know that you would choose this road of adoption despite all of the obstacles and difficulties. I (Antoniette) am especially touched, since I was adopted through Holy Family as a baby. I am thankful to my own birth-mom and to my parents for the choices they made so many years ago that made my great life possible. I feel my experience gives me unique insight to the future needs of our child. Daniel and I know that adoption is not just about taking home a “cute little baby” or “completing our family.” We know that it’s forever. We’ll be guiding our child from infant to toddler, from teen to adult and it certainly won’t stop there. We have been married for nine years and I (Antoniette) still call my mom & dad for advice - even if just to get a favorite recipe, or find out where the cheapest gas prices are this week. We understand that parenting is forever, and we’re committed to facing forever together.
We have an awesome life and would love to share it with a child. Our nine-year marriage has encouraged us and been an example to others to more fully trust God in their marriages. God has given us much more than we could have ever imagined with the exception of one thing ~ having a baby. We just figured when “it was time, it would happen.” After several years went by without any pregnancies, we just kept loving each other and enjoying our marriage. We prayed for the Lord to reveal His plan for our lives in His perfect timing and, we believe, He has. So here we are. Our relationship is stable, and we maintain an safe atmosphere in our home. We’re ready & excited to provide a lifetime of love and support to your baby.
We don’t know how you ended up here, at Holy Family, but we can imagine it isn’t your favorite place to be right now. It is hard for us to picture ourselves getting any joy and happiness out of what may possibly be another person’s biggest dilemma. Please know that we, and everyone we know, are praying for you and asking God to comfort you and guide you as you make decisions regarding your baby. Even though we don’t know your exact circumstances, we know that we have one thing in common - a love for this child. We don’t know how it will all turn out, but thankfully we know the One who does. As a Christian family, we see ministry as beginning in the home and we would consider it an honor to care for a child (or children) and serve as parents in your place. We believe that regardless of choosing us or not, our future and yours is still intact and holds many wonderful possibilities. Please be encouraged!
“All things work together for good for those who love God and for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
If it is your desire to meet with us, we would love to meet you. We know you have a big decision to make. Know our thoughts and prayers are with you during this important time of selecting the best family for your child.
Thank you so much for considering us, and God bless you and baby!
Faithfully,
Daniel & Antoniette
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Who wants to be our kid?
Yeah - so tomorrow Daniel and I go on 3 interviews that will supposedly plunge us forward to the home-study section of our adoption. I personally think the interview should be based on the kid's perspective. I think we should answer questions like this:
Will you love me forever no matter what?
Will you cuddle me and hug me?
Will you keep me safe from evil and harm?
Will you encourage me when I am doubtful?
Will you teach me how to pray and trust God?
Will you come to my games/recitals/competitions/plays?
Will you show patience when I am learning something new?
Will you discipline me in a way that teaches me not to make bad choices instead of making me afraid of you?
Will you be the kind of parents I can respect?
Will you give me the emotional tools in life I need so I can be a person who is respected?
Will you stand up for me when I am right, and teach me how to apologize to people when I am wrong?
Will you stay together and be an example of a family that doesn't give up on each other?
Will you show me how to make good friends and keep them?
Will you equip me to provide for myself someday so I can be independent?
Will you ask me how my day was, and really listen?
These are the things I think we should be asked. I know they aren't anything like the questions we will be asked, but still, it would be cool.
Instead, we are bringing the title deed to our home so they know we really are owners, the pink slips to the cars so they know they are really paid off. All our bank statements and credit card statements. We are bringing copies of the layout of our home with proof that we have an emergency plan. When they come over, they will check to see that all medicines and vitamins are locked with a padlock and key. (THIS is especially fun when you have a splitting migraine and it's hard enought just to open the childproof tamper-resistant seal.) When they come, they will check all our drawers to make sure that the knives are locked away, the leftover paint is unreachable, nothing can fall from an open shelf and nothing over 4 inches can squeeze it's way through our stair banisters. We get to put baby gates up and drill holes in the wall on a "maybe". We have safety locks on all the cabinets, and the joy of reaching for a pen (because it is in the same drawer that houses the candle lighter) is truly undescribable. How the frick does Michael Jackson and Britney Spears get away with dangling children from balconies and driving with babies in their lap? Me and Daniel have to pass FBI and Department of Justice clearances, practically become paramedics and liive in Houdini's dream house just to adopt a baby from someone who NEEDS us to adopt? I don't get it. I still don't get it. I mean, I get that there are creepy people out there, and I am glad for the kids that the system will weed out the undesireables, but c'mon - it's me and Daniel. Pastor and Sunday school teacher. What the heck. Who wouldn't want to be our kid? We have Disneyland passes, we love sports and crafts and we know a ton of great people. We both play musical instruments and I am a great cook. Daniel is patient and kind, I am funny and all kinds of interesting things that I am sure you will all be happy to point out. So tell me, would YOU want to be our kid? If so ... please send up a prayer our way tomorrow.
The interviews start at 9AM sharp.
Will you love me forever no matter what?
Will you cuddle me and hug me?
Will you keep me safe from evil and harm?
Will you encourage me when I am doubtful?
Will you teach me how to pray and trust God?
Will you come to my games/recitals/competitions/plays?
Will you show patience when I am learning something new?
Will you discipline me in a way that teaches me not to make bad choices instead of making me afraid of you?
Will you be the kind of parents I can respect?
Will you give me the emotional tools in life I need so I can be a person who is respected?
Will you stand up for me when I am right, and teach me how to apologize to people when I am wrong?
Will you stay together and be an example of a family that doesn't give up on each other?
Will you show me how to make good friends and keep them?
Will you equip me to provide for myself someday so I can be independent?
Will you ask me how my day was, and really listen?
~***~
These are the things I think we should be asked. I know they aren't anything like the questions we will be asked, but still, it would be cool.
Instead, we are bringing the title deed to our home so they know we really are owners, the pink slips to the cars so they know they are really paid off. All our bank statements and credit card statements. We are bringing copies of the layout of our home with proof that we have an emergency plan. When they come over, they will check to see that all medicines and vitamins are locked with a padlock and key. (THIS is especially fun when you have a splitting migraine and it's hard enought just to open the childproof tamper-resistant seal.) When they come, they will check all our drawers to make sure that the knives are locked away, the leftover paint is unreachable, nothing can fall from an open shelf and nothing over 4 inches can squeeze it's way through our stair banisters. We get to put baby gates up and drill holes in the wall on a "maybe". We have safety locks on all the cabinets, and the joy of reaching for a pen (because it is in the same drawer that houses the candle lighter) is truly undescribable. How the frick does Michael Jackson and Britney Spears get away with dangling children from balconies and driving with babies in their lap? Me and Daniel have to pass FBI and Department of Justice clearances, practically become paramedics and liive in Houdini's dream house just to adopt a baby from someone who NEEDS us to adopt? I don't get it. I still don't get it. I mean, I get that there are creepy people out there, and I am glad for the kids that the system will weed out the undesireables, but c'mon - it's me and Daniel. Pastor and Sunday school teacher. What the heck. Who wouldn't want to be our kid? We have Disneyland passes, we love sports and crafts and we know a ton of great people. We both play musical instruments and I am a great cook. Daniel is patient and kind, I am funny and all kinds of interesting things that I am sure you will all be happy to point out. So tell me, would YOU want to be our kid? If so ... please send up a prayer our way tomorrow.
The interviews start at 9AM sharp.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
THIS WEDNESDAY ...
I am so overwhelmed right now. Daniel and I came home from vacation refreshed and raring to go. The very next day, since I was unable to sleep the night before, I was scatterbrained and easily distracted. The phone kept ringing, we had many things to do and the last 3 days have flown by without us being able to finish child-proofing the house for the home-study. I can't even type a simple e-mail without blabbing about insignificant stuff even though my mind is running deep and contemplating many things.
We have a meeting scheduled for THIS WEDNESDAY for our 3 interviews. One with us together, one with Daniel and one with me. We were lucky I was able to persuade Danielle, our new social worker to do them all 3 in one day!
I am taking a small NEEDED break from getting our profile book completed to bring with us to the meeting. Yeah - I guess writing this blog is relaxing to me. We also have to have all our bank statements and supposedly be prepared for a very personal line of private questions. Friends of ours who have been through the process said that they were asked if they still have sex even though they were unable to conceive. Wow. What kind of question is that??? I don't even know what to expect now. I guess they want to know if the couples are doing okay and are in a good emotional state and their house is united enough to bring in a baby? I don't know what the heck it means ... why am I even trying to analyze it?!
Daniel has been putting safety locks on everything. We have been going over what pictures we think will accurately represent us in the book. We don't want to put too many identifying things like a bunch of family members names next to their faces, but on the other hand, we want to show that the baby will be joining a family with other great kids already in it.
We are editing and refining our "dear birthparent" letter. That is the absolute hardest part of all this. Talking to someone who will be giving their child to us. Here I am feeling unwilling to share my home address for fear that there will be a tearful or drunk knock at my door, but these people will be trusting me with their own baby. What will they be like? What are their families like? Does the birthfather even know she is pregnant? Will we be getting the phone calls telling us to read up on fetal alcohol syndrome? Seriously, I can't stop thinking of the many insane options that may be headed our way.
We could use prayers right now ... for discernment, for SLEEP for me, for clarity and wisdom.
Thanks, dear friends ... we appreciate all your support right now!
We have a meeting scheduled for THIS WEDNESDAY for our 3 interviews. One with us together, one with Daniel and one with me. We were lucky I was able to persuade Danielle, our new social worker to do them all 3 in one day!
I am taking a small NEEDED break from getting our profile book completed to bring with us to the meeting. Yeah - I guess writing this blog is relaxing to me. We also have to have all our bank statements and supposedly be prepared for a very personal line of private questions. Friends of ours who have been through the process said that they were asked if they still have sex even though they were unable to conceive. Wow. What kind of question is that??? I don't even know what to expect now. I guess they want to know if the couples are doing okay and are in a good emotional state and their house is united enough to bring in a baby? I don't know what the heck it means ... why am I even trying to analyze it?!
Daniel has been putting safety locks on everything. We have been going over what pictures we think will accurately represent us in the book. We don't want to put too many identifying things like a bunch of family members names next to their faces, but on the other hand, we want to show that the baby will be joining a family with other great kids already in it.
We are editing and refining our "dear birthparent" letter. That is the absolute hardest part of all this. Talking to someone who will be giving their child to us. Here I am feeling unwilling to share my home address for fear that there will be a tearful or drunk knock at my door, but these people will be trusting me with their own baby. What will they be like? What are their families like? Does the birthfather even know she is pregnant? Will we be getting the phone calls telling us to read up on fetal alcohol syndrome? Seriously, I can't stop thinking of the many insane options that may be headed our way.
We could use prayers right now ... for discernment, for SLEEP for me, for clarity and wisdom.
Thanks, dear friends ... we appreciate all your support right now!
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