check ... check

China Cabinet: check

Every day china: check

crystal stemware and glasses: check

Teacup collection: check

Sonora's bedroom linens: check

Art in Sonora's room: check

Entertainment Unit (stereo, DVD, cd player, TIVO) check\

All CD's: check

All vhs movies and dvd's: check

blankets & throws in all rooms: check

craft closet *half-check*

Still need to pack:

All clothes
All 3 bathroom sink area contents
Linen closet contents
All garage contents
All kitchen contents like pots/pans/ stoneware/ baking stuff/ storage containers/ spices/ counter top appliances/ mixer/ blender (food in pantry and fridge go last)

THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the help so far ... what a blessing you have been to us! Sonora LOVES having the company, and Daniel and I appreciate all the packing and how everyone has treated our stuff as if it were their own. What a blessing!!!

I can, I can't THE REMIX

Thank you to all who have offered to help us ... you don't even know how much it means to us. I am trying to make sense of it all and get some type of order and not make more chaos for myself. I am still nursing Sonora, which takes a lot of time, requires some privacy and limits the ability to have guys just hanging out here all day helping. Daniel is working 3 jobs and I hate to put it on a public blog, but he just isn't here most of the time. I still have fibromyalgia and am handicapped as to what I can lift or carry ... frankly, lifting Sonora all day is like lugging around a 16 pound sack of potatos everywhere I go. The stairs also limit me since I can't leave her alone on one floor to get more boxes on another or move stuff.

Also, thanks for the offers to take Sonora and babysit her, but for the time being, Sonora stays with us ... she goes where I go, especially with still nursing and now with the stress I have over everything else, I just can't imagine leaving her with ANYone right now, I would feel like my arm was cut off, so please don't be offended. I will gladly have you come to our place and watch her while I pack, though ... that would be a blessing.

Here are the things I can and can't do, and the ways we could most use your help:

I can:

pack things all day and leave the boxes wherever I packed them at

clean the place after it's empty

arrange things in the new place

make all the necessary calls to change addresses, etc

I can't:

lift the boxes once I have packed them

get more boxes or deliver anything because we only have the jetta and can't put the seats down with the carseat in and Daniel has the car most days now ...

We could use help:

We need people to watch Sonora so I can pack. She is at the very fun, but very wiggly stage. She can sit on her own and play. She does not crawl yet. She will self entertain in a saucer for awhile, but if someone is there encouraging her to try stuff, she can sit there for seemingly ever. She can eat cereal and some fruits with a spoon. She loves to cuddle and talk, but she is definitely a handful. She is in no way fussy or anything like that, just very active right now, so if you have a bad back or sore arms, don't offer. She loves being held and read to and engaged in playing with just about anything.

We need people to come to the house to bring the boxes down to the garage I can pack all day but Daniel is lifting loads of dirt for 6 hours each night after working 8 hours every day at the mission, so even if everyone I knew came over just once in the next 2 weeks, it would all get done and it would bless Daniel and maybe his back will survive.

We need people with trucks to help with the actual move. There is no driveway yet or way to get to the unit, so as soon as there is pavement, we will get the go-ahead. The place has stairs on the outside, so decide if you want to move heavy stuff, or little boxes. We have it all.

We need help with moving these specific items:

upright piano The piano is going down 1 flight of stairs to get out, and staying on ground level once we get there.

entertainment unit The entertainment unit is going down 6 stairs, and going up one flight. We need several guys for that, it's all wood and heavy, even when emptied.

king mattress ~ heavy

1 dresser bulky, but light in weight

1 armoire bulky, but lightweight

twin sleighbed very light but need 2 people

crib (I can lift myself, it's tiny, but I couldn't get it up stairs by myself)

dining room table (45 inch round . not heavy, just need 2 people)

China hutch not heavy, just bulky

Couch, Loveseat

The rest I think I can manage if I just get help watching the baby while I go up and down the stairs. If we do it a little at a time, it can get done and with so many people who have been offering, nobody should have to spend too much time, or work too hard. THANK GOD for friends ... and lots of them.

We need people to do some of the detail stuff like fill all the nail holes in the walls with spackle after we take down all the artwork, switch out the decorative lightswitch covers and little things like that. Anyone wanting to do anything more would rock my world. I need to wash all the windows before I rent it out, I need to vacuum top to bottom and stuff like that.

We need people to pray for us ... there is a huge spiritual battle happening during all of this that I am trying to overcome without dwelling on it. There is alot of growth, but as you all know, with growing comes growing pains, so please forgive me if I sound snappy or am not my usual hospitable self lately. I don't have it in me to give right now and am not about to go on a guilt trip because I didn't respond to an e-mail or didn't return a phone call fast enough. I need to concentrate on getting this all done and getting it done in less than 2 weeks.

Notice the snappiness setting in already???

Oh my gosh ... I need to take a break, but there is no time for breaks, just time to keep plugging along. I did all the books tonight. I feel like I want to take pictures of Sonora in each room before I disect them all, but there is no time. I just have to suck it up and say, "yes, that was your first house, no we don't have pictures of you in your bedroom, but trust me, you slept there every night and I changed you in there every day, and you were in my arms as we picked out your clothes together in the awesome closet we had made just for you and your walls really were deep reds and ... blah blah blah ... she won't care ... what am I saying???

Okay ... the eyes are beginning to cross because I am so beat. I've been up since 4. Daniel wakes up early, and consequently, so do I, but I can't fall back asleep because once awake, the thoughts rush in and take over.

Yawns ...

Anyway, yes ... I could use your help ... thanks again for all the prayers, e-mails, myspace messages, etc ... and I thought it was funny when Rachel and Dan posted the Jefferson song and the Sanford and Son song ... it made me laugh and I needed that, so don't think that we were offended ... they get me.

I can't stop...

... thinking.

It's not helping. Maybe it is, I don't know.

I told a couple people today, I want to have the "here I am, send me Lord" attitude. Not follow Jesus kicking and screaming like a spoiled brat.

I want my obedience to be a sweet perfume to Him, not a stench of rotten soul.

I want to be the kind of daughter to God that I want Sonora to be towards me.

So far, she is so much better at it than I am.

I want to trust Him like she trusts me.

He deserves it way more than I do, yet she seems to trust me more than I trust Him.

I am exhausted.

I want to just be. Not think. Not feel. Not anticipate. Just be. Just for a moment.

I think I need some Sees candy.

And Orange Julius.

And maybe a Cinnabon.

And then stop there.

I got boxes today.

And the floorplan.

20 years of life packed into 2 weeks and some boxes.

Time to purge.

Move in Day is:

May 6th

Location Location Location

We're Moving

The next thing you would normally read would go something like this:

After months of praying, and looking for the perfect home, Daniel and I have found a gorgeous, yet affordable 3 bedroom home with a great view in a lovely neighborhood where the birds fly up and sit on the windowsill and sing to us as we eat breakfast and plan our blue-sky filled day.

(add screeching brakes sound here)

Friday, Daniel came home from work (which one, you ask?) from the Mission in Tustin, before leaving for Home Depot in Anaheim, and told me he was offered a position at Hope Family Housing, a transitional facility in Buena Park.

He (Since we got married about 11 years ago, this also translates as "we") would be moving out of our home and live on the premises as the facility manager.

Anyone who has been to our condo knows that I have spent the last 20 years making it a home, not just a place to lay our heads at night, but ... well, I won't go on, you all know me ...

This facility is in an undesirable location ... let me qualify that ... for the people coming out of rehab and for the families that were previously homeless, it's a gorgeous, sprawling planned community filled with light, love, golden opportunities for a new future and a tot lot.

Cue to the change of perspective.

To me, it entails leaving a view of green trees and a grassy hill when I open my front door, leaving my pool, tennis courts and jacuzzi, my attached 2 car garage, my fireplace, my personally designed murals on the walls, my 14 x 16 foot periwinkle bedroom, my perfectly planned recessed lighting that highlights my art on every wall, my built-in computer nook, my closet world closets (including the infamous CRAFT CLOSET!) my closet world garage with all the preplanned storage for my Christmas stuff, and a place for our bikes, Sonora's red room with custom upholstered window treatments ... the place we brought Sonora HOME to ... oh my God, I may need an inhaler ...

Let's take an ax to the nostalgic walk down sentimental lane. It's not helping.

The new location is between Commonwealth's Motel Row commonly known for homeless use and the Fullerton Airport, Magnolia, Dale and the 91 Freeway. When you sit at the dining room table, or open the front door and look out, you are a spit wad's distance from the roof of a machine shop - a machine shop that has no limit to it's evening hours.

Yes, I actually used the term spit wad.

Directly behind us is section 8 housing.

From what we gathered so far, you can watch the planes dogfight and hear the capguns go off if you sit on the balcony. I am trying to block out of my head the part about the flying lessons that will happen overhead.

I have yet to find a grocery store within 3 miles, though there are several liquor stores and a carneceria within a couple blocks either way, as opposed to what I now have, which is Utopia in comparison ... my German Deli, Michael's, Aaron Brother's, Lowes, Sam's, Costco, Every little restaurant you could think of, not to mention there will be a CPK opening within walking distance of where I am about to leave.

Our unit, which is actually lovely, a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, one level with great kitchen counters is located above everyone else's garages. So ... all hours, day and night, whenever people go in or out, we get the rumble ... (breathe ... breathe ...)

Again, it is all perspective. I mean, we aren't missionaries in Africa ... but hey, neither are YOU! Give me this moment to freak out and be bummed that my life is about to take a turn without a moment's notice. I am moving a block away from Orange County's version of skid row.

I know, I know ... think of Katrina, think of 9/11 ... I know ... believe me, I have been trying to comfort myself in every way imaginable. Still, this is big. Remember ...

C A L I F O R N I A P I Z Z A K I T C H E N

When will all this happen?

Grand Opening is May 8th.

WHAT?! you say ...

You heard me. (I say with a deep sigh and a shake of the head)

I need boxes. I have 20 years of life to move in a couple weeks...

...with a 6 month old.

Oh God ... does anyone have an inhaler I could borrow?

(fans self Sandra-Bullock-style from the movie Speed)

How did this all come about?

Well, you know ... my name is Antoniette ... need I say more?

Basically, this is an opportunity for us to move out of our home, rent it out and use the money to buy Daniel a new car. He will be able to work from home most days and if we stay there long enough, we may even be able to afford for him to finish college. This will also allow us to afford to complete the adoption of our second child.

I never thought when I moved out of my home I would be moving into a neighborhood filled with ex-felons, ex-addicts and the likes. Don't get me wrong, I am not sitting on a perch judging. Remember, Daniel has been working at the Rescue Mission for the last 13 years, and we have literally seen it all. We are so excited for the success stories, but we are also privy to the failures. We know the temptations these people face, we know their weaknesses and the statistics. I don't want to open my door to people crying to us about their problems ("what's so new about that?" you say with a chuckle) I mean, Daniel will be every one's case manager. He will have to be accessible and he is working from HOME. There is no office built into this "planned community" there is a "planned" office built into our unit, which you have to come in through our front door *our only door* walk through the living room and past the kitchen into the hall, see into our bedroom before turning to go past the bathroom and into the office, which I assumed would be the second baby's room, but I guess it is the office. When all my friends come into our home, it is with an invitation and open arms. God will need to teach me to have open arms, and an open heart, because right now, I not only feel uprooted, I am anticipating feeling invaded.

I understand that the Lord may be placing us there as a team for Him, not just because Daniel works at the Mission. It is Hope Family Housing ... key word: Family. I feel that it is no coincidence that I happen to be certified to lead Precept Bible Studies. I think the timing of Sonora's birth makes more sense now. How could we be an example to other families without being parents, ourselves? Would we ever even consider a move like this if Daniel still had his car and we were "comfortable." Why did God have to shake us up so that we could hear His call, instead of us seeking out something like this on our own to serve Him with our talents and strengths? Maybe I should focus on another keyword: HOPE.

Daniel will be working his 3 jobs for the next 8 weeks. I have to make this move pretty much on my own. We only have one car, and it's rendered useless as any kind of transport vehicle since I can't put the seats down with Sonora's carseat.

I am tired of asking for prayers.

I am tired of needing other people's help.

I want to go to Monterey and eat brie and crackers and watch the otters frolic in the bay and smell the fresh sea air and then go to the farmer's market (as a passerby, not a vendor!) and eat some kettle corn. I want to stroll along Ocean Avenue with Daniel and Sonora and laugh and say, "we have a great life!" as I take in the view of the waves crashing against the rocks and feel the spray of the water as it passes through the cypress trees to reach my face ...

Instead, I will pack up our things while Sonora sleeps for her 37 or so winks at a time, I will purge all kinds of stuff and have a major garage sale, I will keep Sonora content and happy so she has no idea that Mommy is internally combusting, I will make great meals for Daniel so when he comes home, beat, exhausted, hesitant to call the hospital to hear of how his mom is doing on any given day, at least he will be able to sit and eat a tasty, made-with-love meal ... I will try and learn how to be a landlord and find great tenants. I will be that Proverbs 31 woman to the best of my ability and then at night, when we are all in bed, when my head hits the pillow, I will be able to look at Daniel and Sonora with no regrets and laugh and say, " we have a great life!" because we are together, we have each other, we have the Lord, and really, that's all that matters. Besides, I fully get it. I know God will use these people to minister to me, not just the other way around, as I prefer to imagine it. I will learn from them ... I will be humbled and amazed, as I always am when He moves and I step out of His way.

Anyone wishing to join the fun, the madness, the chaos of it all ... give me a call. I could use help in the simplest of forms, such as you playing with Sonora while I put all the clothes I don't wear anymore into in a sell pile or load some boxes. We could use help in ways like telling non-smoking, petless people you know and trust that our condo is up for rent within the next month or 2. We could use people with trucks to take our things to the new place which is about 5 miles away. We could use you to spread the word when we have our garage sale to try and sell all kinds of home decor and also some art. We could use some encouraging words, prayers, jokes ... you know ... distracting stuff when you see a crocodile tear start to form in my eyes ...

Okay ... deep breath ... I can do this ...

Sonora is 6 months old today!

Can you believe it? Our little angel is sitting up on her own, making a million new sounds each day, including raspberries ... she can transfer things from one hand to the other ...she loves to play helicopter with Daddy, she loves being tossed in the air and caught by mommy ... while everyone else gasps ... she LOVES people and being the center of attention. She loves to giggle when we go up the stairs for some reason ... especially if it's both Daniel and myself, she thinks she is being chased, either that, or she is the leader and someone is following ... She now likes to *sing* with Daddy (aaaahhhhAAAAAAhhhhaaAAaahhhhaaaa) She likes it when we cover her head with the burp cloth and we say "where's Sonora?" And she pulls it off her face real fast and we exclaim in perfect amazement every time, "THERE she is!" She even likes to listen to people talk to her on the phone now! As the world and all its cares go flying by, we stop and look at her and are reminded every day that miracles DO happen,and not only to other people like on Oprah's big give, or Ty Pennington's home makeovers, but they happen to us, right here in our little condo where Sonora lives! Thank You God, for our miracle we know we are blessed!

Again, thanks to EVERYONE who has prayed for Sonora and on our behalf. She is the fruit of many, many faithful people's love and prayers, and we know it. We can't express how much gratitude we have to all of you who joined us in our journey to keep this little one alive and get her here safely. Now, I hope that you can enjoy her as we do and get excited when you see what your prayers have accomplished!

Blessings!
Ant~*

please pray for Daniel's family

Daniel's step-dad called me today to tell me Daniel's mom is dying, with no hope. "Anyone wanting to say goodbye should do it now."

Daniel's mom was pregnant with Daniel at 15, and is now only 52 years old. She is only 7 and a half years older than me. She has type 1 diabetes and has struggled with substance abuse for a long time. She has been in pain and has had many physical ailments, which contributed to depression near the end. She began losing weight and just gave up trying to control her diabetes.

She has 3 grandchildren, one from each of her kids.

Her husband said he would be honored if Daniel would perform the service for his mom. That will be difficult and heart wrenching to say the least.

Brian, Daniel's brother, came here from Iraq to see his mom in ICU but went back to Iraq last week. His wife is trying to reach him. Daniel's sister, Stephanie, lives locally and Daniel's mom was the caretaker for her son for most of the time while she worked. He misses his grandma and will not be permitted to say goodbye, because Lisa is so full of infections, it would be too dangerous for him to go see her.

Daniel is doing as well as can be expected, with no car, 3 jobs, and flinching each time the phone rings wondering if it's "the call."

Please pray for us, mostly for Daniel and his siblings and step-dad. It's not going to be a good week.

Still we are thankful for our little family and all the wonderful things that Sonora is adding to our lives. We find joy in the midst of the trials and we have peace that, indeed, passes understanding.

My friend died ...

We were in Jr High in a Student and the Law class together. I was a teacher’s assistant, and he was in class. We used to pass notes to each other as Jr High kids do. When we went to high school, we remained friends, but as boys and girls do, stayed with our own crowds.

We graduated, signed each other’s yearbooks and said we’d stay in touch, like most kids do.
We grew up, got married (to other people) and some years later, ended up at the same church where his first daughter was in my Sunday school class ... and then his second daughter, as well. We would say hi, ask each other how we were doing and were genuinely happy for each other and to see each other often at church.

We never hung out with each other as couples, never went to dinner together or had a game night or watched each other’s kids. We just had a 30 year history of being childhood friends. That is some serious nostalgia right there.

This morning I get a phone call from my best friend, who got an e-mail saying our friend, Keith, died on his way home from a business trip. He knew Jesus. That is the comfort I have. God will take care of his sweet wife, Kim, and their 3 adorable girls. I am so sad. I think like a mom now. I think to myself, "how will she do it without her man?"

How would I do it?

When Daniel gets home, his hug will be a little bit tighter,

a little bit longer.

As I tell him,"I love you..."

...I will be praying for her.