Burnt Quiche and Shattered Platters

Everything seemed to be going wrong just moments before the guests were due to arrive. My blood sugar was a very low 63 ... probably from being on my feet all day preparing for the boutique. Daniel had helped me ahead of time by putting all the dry ingredients for the scones and quiche in bowls, and then all I had to do was add the wet stuff, mix and bake. Sounds easy enough, except for when you can't reach stuff and all the pain of fibromyalgia is full force from not sleeping and not being able to take any Advil.

The house was ready, the bracelets, ornaments, scarves and other trinkets were neatly displayed and the candles were lit, the tea was brewed. It was 6 o'clock and I eagerly awaited my first guest. Who would it be? So many people had e-mailed to say they couldn't make it ... too late of notice. Would this party be a bust? Would I make no money to pass to this family? God was up there laughing to Himself, knowing it had nothing to do with my preparations and everything to do with His perfect plan.

The money started rolling in 4 days ago. A friend brought by a $400 donation and I was speechless. The next day, another woman came to the door under the guise of wanting to "see the nursery" and when she left, there was a check for 25 sitting in the middle of the bead pile. Wow. Then yesterday, another friend stopped by with an envelope ... I said," At least take a bracelet or something" but she said no thanks, she was in a hurry, and this is just for the family. She is praying for them. Inside the envelope, a hundred dollars for the family ... WOW! The boutique hadn't even started yet and I already learned my lesson ... it wasn't about all my hard efforts and work. It wasn't about what beautiful things I could create and how people would ooh and ahh over the work of my diligent hands ... it was simply God using my talent (that HE GAVE ME) for networking and putting the word out and He accomplished the task in spite of my plans for a successful boutique! He knew I would be 9 months pregnant when this all went down, He knew I didn't need to knock myself out, all He needed was for me to hear the call, and act with compassion.

Okay, so we had a great start ...$525 cash before the party even started. Then all of a sudden, I realized, I made 2 quiches with less batter per pan ... I should have timed it for less time! OH NO! I run (okay, let's be honest, I waddle/skip) to the oven and Daniel is saying, "Babe ... it smells great, it looks perfect!" But as I pulled it out, I knew ... all the edges were black. The bottom couldn't have survived. I try and cut a piece out of the middle ... sure enough, burnt straight through. I try the other pan, I was able to salvage about a dozen small pieces. I was livid. My main dish ... ruined. Daniel went to wash the pans and I was so disgusted, I said, "Just get them outta here, we don't have time ... it's already after 6 ... stick the pans in the garage and we will deal with it later."

I thought to myself, "Thank God that lovely woman e-mailed me and offered to bring something tonight." I wondered what it would be ... something main-coursey I was hoping! And the phone rang ... it was a sweet voice saying, "Hi, we're in the parking lot, how do we find your place?" now I am sweating ... not from the oven or the anger over the burnt quiche, but because I was so unusually active (for this pregnancy) that I burned too much energy and my blood sugar was dropping quickly ... I was headed for an "episode."

Great ... now I feel something happen that usually I have control over, but lately it takes me by surprise ... I gotta pee ... and I mean now ... I am doing the pee dance as I am trying to tell the nice woman that Daniel will come find her in the parking lot and bring her here ... Oh no ... I am now crossing my legs like a kindergartner! I need to hurry and get to the bathroom ... I am now feeling sick and nauseous wondering what will everyone think when Daniel has to take me to the hospital because I am in a diabetic coma ... with they still shop?

I BARELY make it to the bathroom and Daniel comes in the house with the guests. He runs up the stairs and says. "Honey, one of the ladies dropped the tiered food platter and it shattered everywhere, I feel so bad for her ... I am going outside to sweep it all up." Oh no! Now BOTH of our meals were ruined?

My thoughts jumped to my baby shower day, when Amy and Charlene were both stuck in traffic and both about 75 miles from Joyce's home. Charlene almost slid into the back of another car when traffic on the 91 freeway came to a screeching halt. Sierra told me how bummed she was that all the meringue puffs she made crashed all over the car and were ruined. Then Amy shows up late and is upset because all the ice that her lunch wraps were on completely melted since her AC broke and the lunch she brought for everyone was a soggy mess. There they were, a group of my friends in the kitchen with paper towels trying to blot dry turkey sandwiches and wraps and taking them apart and re-making them with new bread to serve our guests. What else would go wrong? But then, it was the most amazing baby shower and everyone had a great time and everyone was fed, so many people brought stuff above and beyond that no one missed a thing. I was instantly comforted, thinking, it doesn't matter about the food, there are some nice desserts, and God is in the details ... it won't help to get mad, and I was instantly at peace.

I went downstairs and met my guests. There was the owner of the broken porcelain, not missing a beat, placing all her lovingly made tea sandwiches and lemon bars onto the empty plates I had left out for her, She said, "the dish broke, but the food is fine ... I was carrying the food separately."

Little by little, people started coming ... not alot, but all the right people that God had ordained to be in the room that night. One person gave me an envelope for the family ... another hundred dollars ... and then the sales started happening. I just sat in the chair and listened to people talk and enjoyed having music, candles, food and voices in my home again. All but one of Mallory's scarves sold, and I even took orders for her to make more. The ornaments were the hit of the evening, with only 4 left when it was over. People trickled in late and people e-mailed to say they would drop money off today since they couldn't make it last night.

At the end of the 3 and a half hour night, when we tallied the money, we had earned $875 for the Tyree family! THANK YOU JESUS! I can't even say how great it feels to be used by God to bring these compassionate people together and to be able to give Mallory the money! I am so excited and amazed, that an evening that began with burnt quiche and a shattered platter could end up such a whopping success!!! I saw God's hand, once more, as He gently reminded me that it's not about my efforts, it's about my obedience. I didn't need to worry, I just needed to obey and trust Him. Isn't that a basic life lesson? Trust and obey.

Countdown time ...

Well, it's been a long haul for us. Fall is finally here, and Sonora's birthday is just 3 weeks away. I can't even believe it. Last night, she had the hiccups and they were really fast. I sat there and rubbed my belly and said, " I know, I know ... hiccups are so annoying, huh baby? " And just talked to her and imagined her having them when she gets out. What will it be like? I mean, to actually get to hold her and comfort her, instead of just wonder what the heck she is doing inside of me. I think I will miss feeling her every little kick. I know that it will come as a shock to her to be born. I feel bad for what she is about to go through, but somehow, by the grace of God, we all made it and are okay.

I have been so blessed in the midst of all the physical trials and challenges I have faced. I have gone the full spectrum of fear and trembling to extreme peace in the calm of the storms. I look back, just a couple of months, and see a woman who was suffering with no end in sight, no hope of relief, and then today, still hurting in other areas, but so content to not be walking around with an ice-pack attached to her chest to ease the pain of surgery. I can't believe what the Lord took me through and is still taking me through. I can only hope it ends with Sonora's birth and that we don't have to face any problems with her. I know everyone always wants a healthy baby, but let me just say, I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a healthy baby.

Last night, my friend Kathy who used to work with me at the Salon but then moved to Oregon was in town and she and her husband had us over for dinner. We left her home with 2 boxes of little girl clothes ... amazing, adorable little clothes. She has 2 daughters, and she also has a friend who loves to spoil them, and it got passed down to me ... what a blessing.

Earlier this week, Vanessa came over with lunch as also piled on the love in the form of little baby girl clothes, all the little designer onesies and soft little sleepers and baby mittens and slippers Sonora could use. I have a full wardrobe in all the sizes I may need, and it is so great how through the months, all the clothes that have been passed on to me are appropriate for the weather at the age she will be! God is certainly in the details.

A couple days ago, my friend, Mallory, called me and told me about a family at her church that just suffered a tragedy. The dad, George, was feeling a little sick ... he had what he described as flu symptoms. He went to the doctors and they ended up running some tests and he was diagnosed with Leukemia. Within 4 days, he was dead. He is a believer, so to accurately put it: he went home to be with his Saviour. He left behind his wife, Priscilla, who is a stay-at home mom, and their 4 children (all under the age of 10) with the youngest being under a year old.

My heart aches for this family. I know the bible says to mourn with those who mourn. This time it wasn't hard ... didn't feel forced. It was too easy to have compassion on this family. All I had to do was picture myself losing Daniel and adding 3 more children and my name could be Priscilla.

Mallory and I wanted to do something to help, so we decided to have our annual boutique in honor of George's memory and to give all the profits to his young family. Daniel and Mal were saying it's alot of work for me at a little over 8 and a half months pregnant, but it makes me feel like me again ... not Antoniette, the wheelchair-bound, swollen ankled, diabetic/needle using, fragile, immobile, pregnant, mid-lifer, but it makes me feel like just plain ol' me. A person who can achieve things and make a difference with ease. It "feels" easy to make pretty jewelry and have a tea party and get a bunch of people here to spend some money and help a family out. It "feels" normal and good and right. I MISS feeling like I get to bless someone, because lately, I have been the recipient of so many blessings. I have had people give us money, I have had people give us clothes and supply other needs for the baby, I have had people drive me to appointments, deliver food, pray me through various trials and I have sat here at times all alone and bawled my eyes out because I couldn't walk across the room because of the pain I am in. But looking at this family, I think, I still have Daniel and I am so blessed. I want to just be me again and make a difference, even if it's just a little money to pass on, it can mean the difference between ordering a pizza when she is too overwhelmed to even cook a meal for her kids and forcing herself to trudge on in spite of the depression. It can mean the difference of agonizing whether or not to splurge on Halloween costumes for the annual school parade, or explaining to her kids that this year will be different because they aren't sure where they will be in a few months.

I don't know how to explain it, I just know what a blessing it was to us to be able to pay our medical bills when some of you gave us money and we were so afraid. You bought us relief with your money. I think I just want to buy Priscilla some relief. I know it won't get rid of the pain, I know it won't comfort her in bed at night when she reaches for her husband and is faced with an empty pillow, but I know it can buy a little relief, and even a little relief for her will be worth it to me, knowing how hard it is in the middle of emotional battles to take a minute and just breathe.

Please pray for this Family. I don't know them personally, but they are my family in Christ. Skip your prayers for me today and double up on them. And if you get a flyer from me telling you about the date and time of the boutique, please seriously consider coming and helping out this hurting family. We can make a difference. Complete strangers can make such a big difference and affect their lives for the better.

Sonora at 34 Weeks!

Just found out today that Sonora is now 7 pounds! She is *supposed to be* 4 and a half pounds, but she is a whopping 7! And, she still has 5 weeks to go! I just got a call from the hospital and they set up all my pre-op and post op appointments, we are all set for the surgery. It's a little scary, but I think I can handle it.

Well, we went and got the 4-D pictures today, so here are a few of her face. One of the most exciting things that happened today was that during the ultrasound, she began to turn away from the monitor and towards my spine, Daniel went close to my belly to talk to her and he said, "Hey little one, where are you going?" And she recognized his voice and smiled!! She opened her eyes ... but we didn't get a still shot of it. Fortunately, we have the DVD of it happening. Most of the pictures she looks like she is frowning, well in a couple she really is because as she is kicking me up top, she is burrowing her head down into my pelvic area, and it's smashing her against the placenta wall. It was funny, like she keeps trying to bust out with no luck. It was amazing to see her this clearly, and see her ears (she has Daniel's ears, attached lobes ...) and to see all her facial expressions, to see her little tongue, all her fingers ... this is the stuff that I think technology is good for!

Sonora's favorite position ... hand on face ...

Sonora just kicked me and shoved her own head downward into a tight position!

Sonora sticking her tongue out ...
Sonora just moved both fists from her face and brought them to her chest ...

Happy 10th Anniversary!!!

We went to Monterey ... Sonora went with us ... and we all 3 had a great time! We renewed our wedding vows on the beach at Moss Landing ... We hung out at our favorite spot in Pacific Grove ...
Daniel made sure I relaxed alot ... and ate well ... And I made sure Sonora was taken care of ...
We safely arrived home and made it to the 34 week mark! Thank You Jesus!!!

In other news, I don't think that I wrote about how HUGE Sonora is getting. So much so that complete strangers were coming up to me asking me if I was having twins! They also said, "due any minute, huh?" and stuff like that. Well, apparently, it's more obvious to everyone else than it is to me ... never having been pregnant, I felt "huge" at 6 months. Anyway, I have a scheduled C-section because the doctor also thinks Sonora is "too big" for me to deliver on my own. They wanted to take her 3 weeks early, but I pushed it for later, only a week early. They said she probably won't last that long, but I want her lungs to develop as much as possible, so if I go into labor sooner, they can take her then. As long as she is healthy, I don't care how she comes out ... I have been a hero enough this entire pregnancy, and I am not about to go on a guilt trip because I didn't have her the natural way.

Well, I need to do all the post-vacation laundry and eat some dinner so I can take my insulin shot. I am up to 4 a day now. I hope that she is benefitting from all this stuff I am doing. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Sonora at 33 weeks!!!

We had 4 doctors appointments today. 1st one was the non-stress testing, which Sonora passed with flying colors, the second was with the endocrinologist, and they upped my insulin again, now I am at 4 shots a day ... breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime and the third was for our ultrasound ... the funnest one. She usually is quite the acrobat, but today she was sleeping and her arm was in the usual place ... right across her mouth. We caught her sticking her tongue out a couple times. Oh, for a change, she decided to cross her legs ... FINALLY! She is learning to be modest!!! The picture below shows the chubby-factor, as you can see, she is a little chunky-cheeked girly. The next picture is of her sleeping with her mouth open ...

We had a 4th appointment, it was for a 4-D ultrasound where we got to see her as she looks. Wow ... it was amazing. We got a DVD made and they have some still pictures, but Sonora wasn't really cooperating that well, so they said we could come back next week and re-take them. We got to see her smile (with her mouth shut) and we also saw her frown with crinkled little eye brows. This girl has a ton of hair already. We saw her tongue sticking in and out and again, got to see those dainty little hands in action. What a joy it is to peek in on her world. One thing I was happy about is that there is alot of amniotic fluid, and that is great for her. She has more room than we originally thought. When they kept telling us how huge she is, we assumed she is getting crunched in there and also when they said she will come so early, we thought oh my gosh, is she going to shrivel up? But today they said there is alot of fluid and that means a little more space for her to wiggle about.

We are so thankful to God and excited that she is growing and her progress isn't too hindered by the diabetes. She is a real trooper. I love her so much, and I haven't even held her yet. I have definitely felt her though ... I can now tell which way she is facing by touching different parts of my belly. I can tell when her rump is up in the air and when she is facing back towards my spine, or to my right side. It is so awesome.

Well, I am going to go and rest my swolled ankles. I hope you all have a great night!

This is just the regular stuff ...

Phew ... again ...

Well, the NP called back and she said, "I am so sorry to have bothered you, I was just calling to check in on you, but then realized I will see you tomorrow ..."

I said, "so there is nothing wrong?" And she said, "nope." I said, "my blood test came back fine?" She said, "It came back great."

Wow ... great.

Does anyone out there know what that word means? I think I've heard it before ... long, long ago ... maybe in a dream or something ...

It's been a long day ...

Yesterday, I went for my routine bi-weekly fetal monitoring. I had a 1 o'clock appointment. I didn't get in until 3:30. I sat in the waiting room and watched 2 women go to the hospital before me because they couldn't get the machine to work. These women were as nervous as I was last week. Of course, I tried to comfort them and told them it happened to me last week and everything was fine. What I didn't like about my last appointment was when the tech (who usually does appointments, but was assigned the machine since the real tech got into an accident ...) said to me,"even if you don't feel her kick, if you hear movement on the machine, just press the button. because I heard her moving and that way we can get you outta here."

Let's hear it for the professionals at the women's center!

Yeah right. I am in the middle of a high risk pregnancy and they want me to fake results on my monitoring so we can just move things along. Does anyone out there think I complied??? HA ... as if ...

So I was there until after 4:30. I didn't have to go to the hospital like the 2 women before me, but I was pretty hungry and missed my snack. I at around noon and figured I'd be home before my next scheduled meal. Lesson learned ... always have food in my purse.

Then, last night around 7:30, I got a call from the nurse practitioner who is helping me with the diabetes management. I missed the call but she left a message saying to call this morning, which I did, and I am now waiting for her to call me back. I already have an appointment with her tomorrow, so I don't know what this is about. My assumption is that it has something to do with my recent blood and pee test. They were checking for protein and sugar, I think. So, whatever it is that can't wait until tomorrow, I guess will be another determining factor of us going to Monterey. I talked with my OB's nurse yesterday who checked to see if I could go, and my OB signed an order for my fetal monitoring, if needed, for any hospital I go to up North, so that is taken care of. I am still on the fence. I really need this break, this get away, for more reasons than anyone can imagine.

I am so spent.

Will we make it???

Each year, Daniel and I make our annual pilgrimage to the Monterey Peninsula and celebrate our wedding anniversary. It's where we spent our honeymoon. This year is our 10th anniversary and will be our last without children. We have been looking forward to this trip all year. Even when we found out we were pregnant, one of the first things we asked the OB was if it was safe for me to travel to Monterey in my 8th month either by car or plane. She said, "There should be no problem." Of course, she didn't really know me ... it was our first visit.

We have always driven there, but this year we thought it would be a good idea to fly, since flying would only take 45 minutes, and driving would take about 6 hours. Daniel has yet to fly on a plane. Well, unfortunately, women who fly late in pregnancy are not supposed to fly in an un-pressurized cabin, and to get to Monterey, we'd have to fly to San Francisco, and then hop on a commuter plane (that seats about 9 people) and come back down the coast. These small aircrafts are not approved for pregnant me. Sad.

So, Daniel and I have been going back and forth over and over on if we should do it or not. I am sure that many of you have a strong opinion one way or the other. Sonora isn't due until October 28th, but unfortunately, this gestational diabetes has seriously upped her chance of making an early arrival. Our anniversary is next week. On top of it, I also have 4 doctor appointments next week. I am more than willing to cancel them all, or even go get monitored while on vacation.

We decided to map all the hospitals on the 101 freeway from here to Monterey County. We figure since it is my first baby, labor will be long, so even if I begin having contractions in the middle of the trip, we will be able to get to a hospital in time. Heck, one year I ended up getting pleurisy on the way up and we called our friends Mark and Joyce ... Mark is an LA CO Fire Battalion Chief, and Joyce is like an on call nurse ... I swear she knows everything about anything medical. Anyway, as Mark was assessing my symptoms over the phone, Joyce was on the internet looking up the nearest hospital to the cross streets we gave them. Thanks to their teamwork and quick thinking, I was at a hospital midway between home and Monterey in less than 5 minutes from when we called. Then, when I was released from ER 6 hours later, we decided if I was to rest, we might as well have me rest at our favorite bed and breakfast and be served breakfast in bed and have a view from the bed of the otters frolicking in the Pacific Ocean rather than drive the same distance to get home and lose the money they would charge us regardless of if we used the room or not. It was great. So, we have done the hospital thing on vacation before and it wasn't so bad. Also, we have lots of friends in Monterey now, especially since we attend Calvary Chapel Monterey Bay each year when we stay there. We have had people come and stay with us when they are down South, so we know that in case Sonora is born while on vacation, we would surely have a home to go "home" to once our room at the Inn expired. We certainly would not be "alone" or without safe options.

We, as you probably can tell by now, are leaning heavily towards going. We already packed Sonora's hospital bag, and mine as well. I have a red binder with all my medical information neatly organized in it and ready to present to any doctor that needs to reference it. We have the cord blood kit ready to go with the number to the airnet delivery people, so no matter where we are, her cord blood will be safely gathered and stored.

Let me show you one last thing ... I was working on this for a little gift to give Daniel ... as you will see, all that's missing is this year's photo. Each year, we stop in Carmel to take this picture. We always grab a stranger and they always turn out great. It's been a blast putting this together, and then I think how awesome it will be when this year's picture has a very pregnant me standing next to the love of my life. How can we not go?

Labor Day ... but not for me!

Last night was so fun ... we got to be one of the 6000 people without power! No AC, no fans ... just lovely 80+ degree heat accentuated by the candles we had to burn. The neighbors were all leaving the complex, to go where? I don't know ... it was 10 pm when the power went out. I would have just tried to go to sleep, but I didn't take my blood sugar yet or get my last shot. Luckily, my sister gave Daniel the coolest little wind up flashlight for Christmas one year and it worked so well. He had to go to the garage into the earthquake kit to get it, but it was worth it.

In other news ... there is no other news for a change! Woo Hoo! I am now 32 weeks along, and today marks the beginning of my 8th month. Sonora is kicking up a storm and she is getting bigger and bigger seemingly by the minute ... that means I am getting bigger and bigger by the minute as well. Today she woke up sunny side up ... meaning her head is down, and she is facing my belly. Normally, she faces my spine but today there were 2 little knees poking me on either side of and about 2 inches higher than my belly button! She totally has ticklish knees, so if any of you want to tickle her when she gets out, you know where to go!

Well, I am going to try and finish an art project I have been working on for the last year with a group of 4 other friends. It's called the ABC's of Inspiration. We all got a blank book and we made art in each page and each page represents a letter in the alphabet. Mostly, we are doing bible verses. It is turning out so well, I can't wait to see the finished project. We started in Sept of last year and gave ourselves a year and one month. The plan was to complete 2 letters a month for a total of 26 2-page spreads, including the covers of our own books and sign-in page. I think it will be a neat thing to pass on to Sonora ... this alphabet book filled with God's Word and beautiful hand-made art. Anyway ... that's my plan for today. I hope you all have a great Labor Day ... stay cool!

Did I happen to mention ...

I'm now on 3 insulin shots a day along with pricking myself 6-8 times a day? Yeah ... and I pee on this little ketone stick every morning to make sure there are enough calories for Sonora and that I am not in ketosis ... which ironically is all I ever wanted to be in before I got pregnant ...

I can't believe all the hoopla it takes to be a diabetic. If I don't eat enough calories, the little stick changes color, and I have to eat more, but the trick is to not let my blood sugars go up as I eat more.

I am now also anemic, but can't take iron pills, so they are making me eat red meat. It's like an obstacle course though, I can't have any calcium with my read meat, so In and Out cheeseburgers with a milkshake are out! I have to eat strawberries or cantaloupe with the red meat because it helps my body to absorb the iron. I don't want to eat strawberries with red meat, I want to eat strawberries with chocolate, or that delicious dipping stuff you make with marshmallow cream and cream cheese.

They also told me to buy a cast iron skillet and do all my cooking in it so the food would absorb the iron from that. Isn't that weird?

Anyway, I have been having alot of those braxton hicks contractions lately. Been drinking alot of water and laying on my left side to try and get them to stop. This little girl seems to want out ... I hope she can wait at least 4 more weeks. I am 32 weeks today ... praise God in heaven!!!

Well friends, thanks for all the phone calls, e-mails, all the prayers and practical help. I can't even tell you how much you all have helped us. These doctor appointments have sure added up. Even though our co-pays are only 10 dollars, when you have 5 appointments a week, plus prescriptions to fill, wow .. it really adds up. Even though the prenatal care is free, they don't care that the diabetes was brought on by the pregnancy, so the endocrinologist charges full price, and the hospital visits aren't complimentary either. Also, did you know that when you are pregnant, they won't let you take generic prescription drugs? Yeah ... found that out when we went to pick up the insulin at Sam's Club and instead of paying 4 dollars like we wrongfully assumed, it was $200! Makes me wonder what is wrong with generics that I can't take them now, but before nobody cared ... things that make you go "hmmmmm!"

Well, I am off to the garage where Daniel and I will try and make sense of what looks like Babyland Central. It's getting to be time to take out more stuff that we were storing from the adoption and put things together in preparation for the big day.

Talk to you all soon ...

In His grip,

Ant~*