Banisters Almost Done

My Dad and Daniel have been working yesterday and today to meet the mandatory "less than 4 inch gap" policy. They have been trying to bend wood to make it match the arch in the metal - they have snapped beams and rails, but all in all, it's turning out pretty good. See for yourself!

Before = 6 inch space

After = 3 inch space

Now Baby will not get it's head stuck, or be able to crawl through the banisters! And - it only cost a couple hundred dollars for the wood by doing it themselves. Thank God! We still need to add a rail at the bottom because the gap is too big between the bottom rail and the actual stairs. We also have to do the railing at the front door, below and also by the bedrooms upstairs. I'll post another picture when they are all painted and finished. Thanks for all your prayers - we saved about 2,800$ by doing it this way!

Credit report - check

So today, we got all our credit reports. No-lates, fully paid and closed accounts - perfect credit history - what a blessing!

I drove to Holy Family Services and dropped off the packet of papers (with all class hours and certificates, our application, our live-scan and every inch of our history and references, etc ...) So, now, supposedly, a social worker will be assigned to us and we can get on with the waiting! The only thing we need is our birth cerificates- which we both can not find, so we had to order them online.

OH!!!! Great news ... we can board up the fireplace with plywood!!!! So - I am going to have a fake fire painted on the plywood rectangle so it will be a fun and funky look.

We pretty much gave up on having a real banister made, so we are doing a make-shift one out of wood and attaching it to the existing metal ones and God only knows what the end result will look like, but at least it will pass inspection. After the adoption is final and the baby is in our home for 6 months, we will be able to take it all down and have a normal home again.

Anyway, it was a big relief, and it felt like a big step forward when I dropped of that packet of information! Phew!

CPR/First Aid class down, 1 more to go

Yesterday, Daniel and I went to the mandatory Community (Adult/Infant) CPR class. It was supposed to be from 8-5, but we left at 7 Am to get there, sat in traffic at the Orange Crush and then weren't out of there till 6 pm. I missed a ministry meeting that was important to me, and was late to a hair appointment that I scheduled for after the meeting. Daniel had to take a day off work.

In the big picture, it will seem like no big deal, but right now it seems fruitless. Especially since we will have to re-take the class and become re-certfied before the baby ever gets here and pay all over again! I know it is just another hoop, and we jumped through successfully, but here we sit with no money to fix the stairs, and no money to fix the fireplace and we had to pay all this money for the CPR class & certification that will be probably void before we ever even get picked by a birthmother! Not only that, we paid an additional (unexpected) 97$ to get 2 car first aid kits and a home earthquake kit (which is required by HFS and the state of CA) Luckily we got a deal on the 2 vehicle kits, they are normally 35 each, but they were on sale for Christmas at 19.00 each - so we jumped on that bargain. The rest was for the home kit - which we did all the adding and it was cheaper to get it from Red Cross than to go out and buy tweezers, and bandages and all the rest...

Why can't they just come in and do a home study, and let our book go out there, and then during the wait, we can work on getting the stair rails made closer together and save money and find resources to cover the fireplace?

I was talking to a friend of mine and I was saying the one good thing about all this is that I don't have to suffer through labor and delivery. Most women look forward to that - I never did. I always wanted to be a mom, never really fantasized positively about giving birth. Maybe because I am adopted myself - who knows.

So I guess it's fair - that I have to do all these emotional jumping jacks as my "pregnancy" - at least it IS do-able, and not in any way impossible. I have to try and not look at how easy it seems for other parents to get their kids. It seems that anyone can "just get pregnant" ... on the other hand, my sister went through 2 completely nightmarish pregnancies because both kids wanted to come out before 25 weeks. My niece and nephew are beautiful and healthy, but my sister went to hell and back to make that possible. I guess we all have our struggles and I know she wouldn't trade her struggles for mine, as I wouldn't trade mine for hers.

It's weird how the Lord really does give us what WE can handle - not what others can handle. He does seem to push us to the limits sometimes - and I know that I am no way near the limit in this process - I hope I don't even come NEAR the limit ... I think my limit would be a birthmom changing her mind - or a baby being in our home an then a birthmom trying to appeal - THAT would be my limit. You know what - it wouldn't even be my limit - because as a Christain, I have to be prepared for ANYthing, even the death of my baby and trust God through ANYthing, so I guess that this whole blog-post is in vain, because ultimately, nothing is beyond what God can take us through.

Me & Noah have alot in common

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Malibu, California in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -- but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

DMV Report

Okay, I just got back a little while ago from getting our DMV driving records. A lovely time was had at the Whittier DMV ... HA HA! They make you go back 10 years, we are both "clean" so this is yet another drop in the bucket of requirements.

I am blessed to have the help of my sister, who is equipping me with baby gates, among other necessities, and hopefully soon I will get the banisters taken care of. Sonny Harris told me about a guy he knows who does iron work and our original thought was to weld matching pieces in-between the existing ones to make a 3 inch clearing instead of 6 inch. Now, Sonny says the guy he knows told him there are some type of clip-on decorative inserts that may solve our problem in a more cost-efficient way.

I have yet to hear from the fireplace guy. That is frustrating.

In the meantime, we just keep plugging along, making earthquake preparedness kits, car first-aid kits and the like. It seems the only 2 things really holding us back from getting our profile book out there is the fireplce and banisters ... still.

Live Scan Surprise

This morning, we got up and went straight to the Buena Park Police Department to get our Live Scan fingerprinting done. We were told over the phone with the Police Department that it would cost 52 per person, and take about 1/2 hour, but when we got there, it ended up being 153 per person and took 2 hours - 3 times as much,, and 4 times as long. Apparently, there are 2 forms each, one for Adoption, and one for Foster Care. One is required by the Department of Justice, and one is FBI. We thought we were going to walk out having spent 104, but ended up paying 306 for everything. I called in advance, I asked the right questions, and yet, we totally got surprised with this grand total. I don't know what I think ... it's not like I can change anything. It's not like I can make people tell you up front the actual time involved, and the actual costs. i just wonder how many more of these "surprises" we'll have to endure.

Time off work for Appointments

My online adoption ally, Rob, posted an adoption cost post on his site, and it was invaluable to me, so I decided to include a running tally on our site as well. Besides the monies paid, these classes and appointments take hours of coordinating and actually attending. So far, Daniel has had to take time off work for the following appointments - this does not include traffic time:


Oct. 26: Orientation meeting (which lasted 2 hours)
Oct. 28: drop off application & fees (30 minutes out of Daniel's way to work)
Nov 08: Intake Meeting (which lasted 3 hours)
Nov 18: the Physical (2 hours including wait time in Dr's office)
Nov 21: TB tests (couldn't be done same-day as Physical)
Nov 23: the Live Scan (they told us about 30 minutes, it was 2 hours)
Dec 13: the First Aid & CPR class (8 hours)

The Cost of Adoption

Below are actual necessary expenses, in chronological order:

10.25.05~Orientation fee: 25

10.27.05~Application fee:100

11.04.05~Intake fee: 2000

11.18.05~Physical - co-pay: 10 each for total: 20

11.23.05~Foster FBI Live Scan at PD - 67 each total:134

11.23.05~ Adoption DOJ Live Scan at PD - 86 each total: 172

12.13.05~First Aid & CPR certification - 68 each for total:136

12.02.05~DMV vehicle report 5 each for total:10

12.02.05~DMV CDL report- 5 each for total:10

12.27.05 ~ Wood for the banisters: 120

1.2.06 ~ wood for the fireplace cover: 2

total thus far: 2729

looking for a carpenter ...

Well, it has been a week since our intake meeting. All forms have been filled out. Doctors' appointments have been made. Tomorrow, there will be a man over here giving us an estimate for a new fireplace.

I am, at this point, searching for a reputable but INEXPENSIVE (feel free to laugh here) carpenter who specializes in stairs. We have all kinds of suggestions to "rig" the existing banisters, but I finally got my home the way I like it and the last thing I want is Plexiglas or plywood sheeting running the length of all the banisters and rails throughout the entire condo. Today I did a haircut and I thought to myself - wow, this check is worth 2 whole balusters! It seems that things no longer have a cash value to me, they have a baluster value! Maybe I should go sit at the freeway offramp and hold up a sign that reads "will work for balusters" and bring my camera to take pictures of the bewildered looks on people's faces as they slowly drive by, scratching the tops of their heads. Maybe I can sell black t-shirts with white lettering that says "Got Balusters?" or have firemen hit the street corners and hold out their boots for Jerry's Balusters ...

Oh precious little baby out there, whoever you are, if you ever do ANYTHING to destroy these balusters, rest assured, you will be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest time-out in history!

Ready, set .... GO!

You would think that not much has happened since my post last night, but well, being the over-achiever ...

We have priced fireplace glass door replacements (close to 1k because the charming unit we have was installed in 1979 and even it's size is obsolete!) I filled out all the paperwork I could, including signing my rights away as how we'll discipline our child - even spanking a hand is forbidden. All I gotta say is that our baby better not even THINK about reaching to touch anything hot - especially those glass fireplace doors! We signed a Live-Scan form that had a separate page warning us that if we even so much as filled it out wrong, we would fail the scan! Now I have to make doctors appointments for both of us to have TB tests, HIV tests, Eye exams, hearing exams, mental evaluation, - pretty much the stuff you gotta do to join any of our prestigious armed forces. DMV reports on each of us are required, Credit reports, oh yeah - we even have to take our cars in to get a mechanic's report on them as well!!! Kid you not! We have to get a safety escape ladder to hang out of the upstairs bedroom, because I'm sure you can all picture me swinging like Tarzan on it when life gets boring ... we need to put locks on most of our cabinets (including garage), install baby gates at each stair landing, even though baby won't be here, or even be crawling for quite awhile.

We even have to have a list of baby sitters ready - as if that's gonna happen anytime soon (LOL)

I want to say thanks to Rob R. for sharing his and his wife's experience with a blog so I could gain valuable and comforting information. I hope to be able to do the same for others by being transparent and candid as we tread the well-worn path and see the spots where previous struggles happened along the way, dodging the curveballs that life throws at you and trying like heck to jump the hurdles without getting our feet tangled up in them.

This whole process has barely begun, but we are already neck-deep in it. One of the things we are praying about, even now, is that if the situation comes up where a birthmother has picked us, but then at birth decides to keep her child, that we will remain steadfast in our decision to not become devastated, but to rejoice that the Lord has and will equip her to be the best mom for that baby and we can know that being used isn't always a bad thing, especially if having us as a back-up plan has enabled a mom to remove some stress so she could make the right plan for her baby.

Now I am going to make copies of all the forms we filled out ...

The Intake Meeting

This morning at 10 o'clock, we went to our "Intake Meeting" with Holy Family Services. We didn't leave the building until after 1:00 pm. I was a little nervous, Daniel was calm, as usual. We were asked to wait in the "Baby Room" where there was a crib, a couch, some toddler toys and a rocking chair all pushed up against the walls. We assume this is where they bring the kids in for visits with the birthmoms, or even pass the baby to your for the first time in some cases. It was not a room I would want to take pictures in, let me tell you that. I would give anything to have enough money, and time to just donate design services for this place! I didn't like the way the room was arranged, so while we were there waiting, I completely re-arranged the furniture so it would make sense ... I made a nice conversation circle with the 60's style, olive pleather chairs and we pushed the couch over and moved the over-sized coffee table. I put the lamp in the right place on the end table - which I also moved and put the rocker at an angle that allowed the footrest to be used with it and not block the way to the changing table. The fake ficus had to go, but I restrained myself and just centered it in the corner of the room. All this before anyone even came in to greet us ... I guess you could say I was ALOT nervous! When Anne, the intake person, walked in, she didn't even do a doubletake ... maybe they'll think the organization fairy did it.We were asked many questions, we asked many questions, we paid 2k (in addition to the 125 for orientation and application processing) and walked out with a long list of paper work to be completed and home safety instructions that we need to hustle on, the 2 biggest changes are the stair banisters and the glass screen we need to install for our fireplace. We were told that we "set a record" because no one has ever turned in their completed application as fast as we did (2 days after the orientation, the application and fees were in.) Anne said at this rate, we could be approved as soon as 3 months!It sounds like a lot of technicalities, but the bottom line is that someday, there will be a baby that will not get it's head stuck between the balusters, or be burned by the flicker of a blue flame our fireplace produces. Well worth it.

Words and Pictures

Words and pictures have such an impact on society today. You don't even have to leave your home to be bombarded with advertisers trying to get you to buy into their brand jump on the latest political bandwagon or challenge your own moral code .

Words can hurt help and heal . They can bring peace and promise, or depression and devestation.

Pictures can be truth tellers, or misguiding.

We have the responsibility of writing a letter to the future birthparent of our new baby. All we can use are words and pictures. We have now become the advertisers, saying, "jump on our bandwagon, trust our political beliefs, place your child in the environment of our personal convictions and moral code...forever! Pick me! Pick me!"

Our pictures will expose us, as we have chosen to become transparent and have resigned ourselves to use photographs we took before we ever knew this day was coming. We will not stage a scene for the benefit of our gain at the cost of losing integrity - regardless of if they ever know it or not. We believe strength of character is most evident when no one is looking.
When adoptive families use the word "adopt" there are 3 words that more often than not follow: "a little baby." We realize it's not about a token child, a forever-infant. We know that this baby will grow from infant to toddler, from teen to adult and all while in our care. We know this first-hand, because I am adopted.

How do you say to someone, "give me your baby"? It's ludicrous. The words should never have to be uttered aloud. And yet, there are millions of birthmothers who have the decency and courage to face embarrassment, persecution, destroyed dreams, fear of the unknown and a future that can be filled with guilt, shame and uncertainty all because they did NOT take the "easy way out" (aka: abortion) and they chose to save the life of a child, regardless of their ability to provide parenthood. How do I go to that woman and simply say, "Thanks, I really appreciate it. Can I have my baby now?"

Before she chooses us, how do I paint a comforting picture; one of her child resting safely in my arms, or running to daddy when he or she is happy to see him come home from work, or frightened of a thunderstorm?

After the baby is placed with us, how do I paint a comforting picture; one that will reassure her that MY child is resting safely in my arms and running to daddy when he gets home from work, or is frightened of a thunderstorm?

All I have are words and pictures.

All she will ever have are words, and pictures.