The last 2 weeks have been absolute hell at times for me. Not just for me, Antoniette, but for me, the mommy.
Sonora, Daniel and I all were sick, and I mean S*I*C*K! It all started with Daniel getting an MRSA staph infection and ending up in the hospital for 4 days. I have quite a few friends who are firefighters' wives and I know that they go for days at a time, all their lives, without their mates. I, however, did not marry a firefighter and was not cut out by God to live that lifestyle.
When Daniel was gone and it was just me and Sonora for 4 days straight and she would crawl all over the house looking for Daniel, saying, "Da-duh, Da-duh" over and over, it broke my heart.. When I would play her the videos he made for her from his hospital bed and she would sign the word "more" every time they would end, asking me to re-play the video, it broke my heart more.
When Daniel came home, we were so happy. And then, it hit ... the worst intestinal flu I had ever experiencesd, but not just me, Daniel and Sonora as well. Did he bring this vile bug into our home, or did we catch it at Ihop? We will never know. What I do know is this: It sucks to be the mommy when everyone is sick at the same time. For some reason, all caretaking lands on the mommy, no matter how bad she is doing. Here I was vomiting and all of a sudden, Sonora begins getting sick from both ends and even though Daniel started out by grabbing her and rushing her to the changing table, I am the one who ended up squatting next to the tub hosing her off and holding her as she cried ebcause she didn't know what was happening to her tiny little trembling body. It was so sad, and disgusting. I was already nauseous, but add to that poop on my arms and throw-up on my chest and you have a recipe for disaster. Daniel was trying to find the trail she left down the hall so he could clean it before she got out and began crawling again, so I couldn't just leave her in the tub alone to go puke, myself. I wanted to stand up so bad to relieve the pressure on my tummy, but Sonora was standing in the tub, so I couldn't be too far in case she slipped. I didn't want to be the mommy right then. I wanted to be the older sister who was told to stay in bed while the mommy fed me toast and rice and said, "take only small sips of water, honey."
This chaos with all of us went on for 7 days, To top it off, Daniel had to go back to the hospital because there was blood in his urine on Sunday. I am sure everyone at church thinks we are backslidden by now and I really don't care. Is that what happens to mommys everywhere? We just stop caring? I have been exhausted. Too tired to cook good food for us, but I do it anyway. Too tired to wash the sheets and clothes that Sonora has been destroying daily, but I do it anyway.
Yesterday, I decided to take a break from being the mommy ... the caretaker and fixer of all things. I took Daniel to work so I could have the car, and I went to Disneyland. I decided the books on the floor would still be there when I got back, the clean laundry that needed to be folded wouldn't get up and leave the house if i didn't fold and put them away. I went and had the very best time with Sonora I could have possibly had. I called my friend Chelle and she met me there with her son, Jeremiah, and we just indulged our kids in the longest, most leisurely play-date they could have asked for. We let them eat for hours, we let them nurse when they wanted to, we let them go on rides or just stand and play in the water. They saw a show, a parade, rode on rides, spied on birds, met other kids, threw a couple tantrums, got over themselves, and conked out in our cars on the way home. Sonora grabbed my face at one point in the day and held it in between her miniature hands and kissed me while she was looking right into my eyes. It was the best moment ever and it welcomed me back into being glad I am the mommy.
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