It's amazing what 6 days of hope and then a 3 minute phone call with rejection can do to your emotions.
Our situation has not changed since last Wednesday, we are still alive, happily married with a beautiful daughter who is the apple of our eyes. There has been no fire, earthquake or flood that has taken away our home. We do not have any new deathly illnesses that we are aware of at this time. Daniel still has both jobs, our cars work great.
I don't know why, but I am slightly angry that there are a few tears that have escaped my eyes and are streaming down my face. I know I am not a robot and God created me with these emotions, but I want to LOVE and be excited for everything He has given me. I don't want to be dissatisfied in any way. I want to totally trust and know that if the birthmom didn't choose us, that it's God's best for us, and more importantly for the baby. I know all these things in my head, now to convince my heart. It's not broken, my heart is in tact, just a little eye leakage, that's all. I think if anything came out of this, it's that I see I was not ready to give up the adoption. So, I don't know what's next. I am afraid to make any ridiculous statements like, "well, when I am 47, THEN we'll end it." Because then God would just laugh some more ... I will just sit and trust that whatever He wants for us, He will make clear, in HIS time, like HE ALWAYS does.
No comments:
Post a Comment