Sometimes ...

Sometimes, I like to cuddle them until they fall asleep and stroke their foreheads while I hold them tight. Sometimes, I am so thankful when they both fall asleep in the car on the way home so I can carry them up, one at a time, and lay them in their bed and crib. I love not having to tell Sonora, "shhhhh, sissy's sleeping." Sometimes, I love watching them play with each other. I love seeing Sabine light up when Sonora comes at her. I love listening to the songs Sonora makes up for her. I run for my camera and barely make it in time to chronicle the beauty of their new, budding relationship as sisters.

Sometimes, I can't wait to be with either of them alone, so I can focus on them, one at a time. I love to teach them at their own level. I love pushing Sonora to new levels and watching her stretch herself. I love remembering Sonora when she was Sabine's age. I love learning how different Sabine is than Sonora and I love falling in love with her anew. Sometimes, I can't wait to do things as a family, like drive to church together, go to the park together, go to Disneyland. I really enjoy having Daniel with me so we can laugh together at them, so we can be full of pride when people come up to us (and they always do) and tell us what beautiful girls we have. I love that he can help me with one so I can include the other and vice verse. I love being able to care for the one that is crying or hurt knowing he is there and has my back. Sometimes, I miss being alone with Daniel so much that it makes me cry when I am in the shower so the girls can't hear me. I miss just hugging him, or being held and feeling protected, instead of always being the protector of the little ones while he is gone working 2 jobs. I can't remember the last time I laid on the couch with my feet in his lap while we watched something on TV.Sonora thinks her permanent position in life is between us and Sabine hasn't left our side for 6 months. Daniel is only home on Sundays. I love my girls, but sometimes, I just plain miss my husband. Sometimes, I feel like I can conquer the world with all the love I have and all the energy I feel. I have so much hope and peace and joy. Sometimes, I feel like I wish God would just come and take us all home, because I have so much pain, and get so discouraged and exhausted. Sometimes, I think I am the most blessed person in the world.
Sometimes, I think I could use a little more blessings. All the time, no matter what, I am thankful to God for all He has done in my life and all He has brought me through, in the past, now and what's to come. I can't believe, sometimes, how my life is and I wonder where it's headed.