She sees everything ...
Today was a rough day for us. 3 of us sick. Everyone tired. Daniel and I finally talking about some things we needed to talk about but haven't had the time to. Sonora just sat at the kitchen table coloring and Sabine was constantly fussing as we tried to get through a normal conversation, but couldn't even finish a sentence. It was so frustrating. I am purely exhausted. Still, it's late and I wanted to look back at when we got Sabine and see how much she's changed over the last 7 months. I came across these photos that I never noticed before. There were a bunch of photos that Sonora took. It was just us in the room for 3 days. These 2 pictures say a lot. They were taken at 9:08 AM and Sabine was exactly 5 hours old. We had been up since early the day before and were about to start the waiting vigil to see if her birthparents would sign the relinquishment papers. I look at this photo and I remember feeling uneasy when Sonora asked when we could take the baby home. We called her Sabine right from the start, but it was so unfamiliar to us. With Sonora, we had at least 5 months practice after we found out she was a girl. We said goodnight Sonora every night and prayed with her before she ever came out. With Sabine, we prayed for her for years, not knowing she would be a girl or what her name would be. I remember being surprised that they would not give us any snacks in that room because the room was technically for the baby. Here I had a 3 year old and we were occupying the room, but they told us they were not allowed to offer us drinks or food since the baby didn't belong to us yet. I was thinking about how were we going to get diapers and formula. Daniel was set to start a new job on Monday and these photos were taken Thursday morning. So much was going through my head. I would have never imagined the lengths my friends would go to just to help us provide for this little one who came with such short notice. I am humbled when I look at these photos and think about how God would give this almost 50 year old woman with tired eyes 2 little baby girls to raise. How? I still wonder, but I trust Him. Sabine was so new, and so foreign to me. Now she is so familiar and such a part of my existence. I still am in awe of how she came into our lives and how much I can love her, even though I didn't give birth to her. I have to say though, I almost feel that I dreamt her into existence. That's how much she belongs with me. And Sonora, well, she sees everything. She sees so much that she doesn't talk about. These pictures are proof. She captured the moment ... exhausted Daniel sleeping, me wondering, and Sabine trusting us to be her new family.
Today was a rough day for us. 3 of us sick. Everyone tired. Daniel and I finally talking about some things we needed to talk about but haven't had the time to. Sonora just sat at the kitchen table coloring and Sabine was constantly fussing as we tried to get through a normal conversation, but couldn't even finish a sentence. It was so frustrating. I am purely exhausted. Still, it's late and I wanted to look back at when we got Sabine and see how much she's changed over the last 7 months. I came across these photos that I never noticed before. There were a bunch of photos that Sonora took. It was just us in the room for 3 days. These 2 pictures say a lot. They were taken at 9:08 AM and Sabine was exactly 5 hours old. We had been up since early the day before and were about to start the waiting vigil to see if her birthparents would sign the relinquishment papers. I look at this photo and I remember feeling uneasy when Sonora asked when we could take the baby home. We called her Sabine right from the start, but it was so unfamiliar to us. With Sonora, we had at least 5 months practice after we found out she was a girl. We said goodnight Sonora every night and prayed with her before she ever came out. With Sabine, we prayed for her for years, not knowing she would be a girl or what her name would be. I remember being surprised that they would not give us any snacks in that room because the room was technically for the baby. Here I had a 3 year old and we were occupying the room, but they told us they were not allowed to offer us drinks or food since the baby didn't belong to us yet. I was thinking about how were we going to get diapers and formula. Daniel was set to start a new job on Monday and these photos were taken Thursday morning. So much was going through my head. I would have never imagined the lengths my friends would go to just to help us provide for this little one who came with such short notice. I am humbled when I look at these photos and think about how God would give this almost 50 year old woman with tired eyes 2 little baby girls to raise. How? I still wonder, but I trust Him. Sabine was so new, and so foreign to me. Now she is so familiar and such a part of my existence. I still am in awe of how she came into our lives and how much I can love her, even though I didn't give birth to her. I have to say though, I almost feel that I dreamt her into existence. That's how much she belongs with me. And Sonora, well, she sees everything. She sees so much that she doesn't talk about. These pictures are proof. She captured the moment ... exhausted Daniel sleeping, me wondering, and Sabine trusting us to be her new family.
No comments:
Post a Comment