17 weeks!

Thank you God for letting me make it this far! It's been a week of resting and taking care of myself and baby. Our little one has made it to 17 weeks and is 6 and 1/4 inches long, and about the size of a sweet potato. I think that's kinda funny since Daniel's nickname for pooping babies is "little yam factory!"

I am still coughing, but my voice is returning and I am sleeping much better. I am still on antibiotics for about a week and we'll see if we can finally kick this bronchitis out the door once and for all.

My abdomen muscles are so tight. I always feel twinges here and there and I can't tell if it's our baby making it's kicking debut, or just sore muscles from coughing so much.

Monday, Daniel and I will be going to an ultrasound clinic to see our baby again, mostly because the last 2 ultrasounds I didn't get to see very much. Maybe we will find out the sex this time ... that will be exciting.

Thank you ALL OF YOU who prayed us through the frightening times. Thanks for the visits, the lunches, the flowers, the cards. I am so blessed to be reminded that there are people out there rootin' for this little one. I can't even say how grateful I am for the prayers, most of all.

I haven't really spent alot of time writing about my feelings because I haven't had much time to feel in the midst of the sickness and chaos. I have been pushing the fear out of my head and afraid to hope.

I don't say how much I love this baby because I feel so vulnerable. It's like when you love something so much, you have more to lose. But, I have to say, in the many quiet moments of my days, I will catch myself rubbing the bump on my belly and saying "hang on little one, I can't wait to hold you." I sit there and tell my baby "I will be a much better mom when you are out than I am a carrier." I tell the baby all the time how "Daddy can't wait to meet you! We have so many plans to make your life wonderful!" I make up silly songs to sing to my baby and I pray for each little limb that is forming and for it's brain and heart and we always, every single night, tell it how much Jesus loves it.

I know that many people consider babies "real people" before they are born, and many think they are people at birth, but we know this child already has a spirit and God is weaving its personality together. If it is a girl, it already has all the eggs that it will be able to produce and our future little grandchildren are also with me now. It's amazing to think how the body is formed and at what rate the heart starts beating and the ears begin to hear. After seeing it kicking and swimming, and then resting all curled up in a little ball, I am just in awe of God's handiwork.

I know it isn't me at all, but God who is making this baby. Obviously, my body is betraying me and would probably mess this child up if it was in full control, but the Lord is the one who is in control so we will be able to praise HIM when this baby is born. I know it has nothing to do with me. I am just fortunate enough to get to go along for the ride.