Well, I've been battling this bronchitis for a week now. The low-dose antibiotics aren't doing me any good. I did sleep about 5 hours last night which was a God-send. I have been violently coughing for a week now. I've suffered a few minor asthma attacks as well.
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom and there was blood. I just about fainted. Daniel was leaving for work and I opened the bathroom window upstairs and yelled his name hoping I would catch him in the garage before he started the engine. I kept wiping and there was more blood. He could tell by the way I said his name that it wasn't good and he was all the way up the 3 flights of stairs in less than a minute.
I showed him the toilet paper because I wanted to make sure someone else saw what color and how much in case I broke down in tears at the doctor's. He just began crying. We called the women's center right away and told them what was happening and they said they would call us back since they had to get a doctor on call since they weren't open yet. It was 8:30 Am.
I kept saying "hold on little baby" over and over. I didn't have any cramping which was the only thing keeping me from slipping into a fit of hysteria. Daniel prayed over me and the baby and I figured it would probably be a long day so I went and took a shower. I was extremely calm under the circumstance. Daniel was visibly shook up. I kept trying not to cough, but every time I took a deep breath or tried to stop coughing, I had to cough more. I was so afraid of my stomach contracting at that point. I got out of the shower and still no call. I called them back and said we've been waiting 45 minutes, we need to see someone right away. They said come in and I saw the nurse practitioner - the same one who I had my first appointment with.
She went and got the Doppler to find the heartbeat and it took her awhile. She said if she couldn't find it she would order and ultrasound immediately. Well, it was taking awhile and Daniel was there holding my hand as I lay on the table and she was rolling that thing all over my lower stomach looking for signs of our little baby's heartbeat. My heartbeat was coming across LOUD and strong and fast ... then all of a sudden Daniel said, " There it is, I heard it!" And she nodded her head and she said, "me too" and I didn't hear a thing and she kept trying to get back to it. She finally did and it was loud and strong! THANK YOU JESUS!!!! I just burst into tears and said thank you. And she kept the Doppler there for awhile so we could just listen to it. What a relief that was.
She then checked my insides and said that everything is still closed up like it should be. She asked if we recently had sex and obviously I have been so sick, we haven't. She said no sex until we figure out what happened. I asked if the medication for bronchitis had anything to do with it she said no. I have to go back on the 14th for my regular ultrasound appointment and they will check me out then and measure everything to make sure I am holding on to this little one. Until then, I gotta take it easy and concentrate on getting better.
On the way driving home, Daniel was telling me how he always used to pray for people who had miscarriages, but he never understood until now that even though the baby isn't born yet, it is still very real to the parents and very much alive and has it's own little spirit. We just thanked God over and over and we came home and he had to go to work. I am going back on the couch to put my feet up. I didn't know whether or not to make this a private blog entry or not, but you know what? I figure everyone who reads this is someone who loves us and will pray for us, so you might as well read about it all and know what's up. This is real life ... and I don't mind sharing it with you.
Please, pray for our little one, and for us. We're doing our best and it feels like it's not enough.
Thanks.
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