Well, Monday at 10am, Daniel and I went to the Ultrasound clinic and for about 45 minutes, I got to sit and watch my little baby girl kick and swim around and flail her hands, and have the hiccups and rub her eyes and it was the BIGGEST blessing of my life!
I felt like such a loser, with my fear dictating my emotions. I felt like doubting Thomas ... I had to see for myself on the ultrasoundthat everything was okay. I always thought of myself as the girl who didn't need to "see to believe" but here I was feeling much relief after I saw the wall of my uterus firmly attached to the placenta with no tears. When we walked out of the college, I silently thanked God and apologized for needing this kind of a sign that my baby is okay. I want to be the kind of person who just completely trusts Him. After all, He has never let me down before.
Well, we have a name for our daughter. It's
Sonora Adeline Saunders
The Lord also has provided some counsel for me in a few ways. I talked to 2 people yesterday who I know and trust and found out they both have suffered greatly in the past with anxiety attacks. I never knew this about either one. Then, this morning the head of the Postpartum unit at St Josephs called me. Daniel knew someone from work in the business and they told him about this Dr. So, Daniel called him and he called me and will evaluate me and see how much of this drama is due to hormones and if there is any way to tell if I will be susceptable to post partum depression and how to avoid it.
AND ... right in the middle of typing this, my mom called and she is having heart surgery tomorrow ... so please pray for her.
Thanks.
Love,
Ant~*
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