About 12 hours away ...

Words can not describe how I feel right now. Daniel and I will just look at each other and burst into smiles and laughter.

I already had a crying session about an hour ago when I realized this is the last night I will feel her kick inside of me. I will miss her. I will miss being her safe place where there is no hunger and no cold and nobody can get to her to hurt her.

I am in such anticipation of her arrival.

I am sad that I will not be the first to hold her, but excited that it will be Daniel. I know she will recognize him immediately, and I wish I could capture the moment (they will not let us video anything)

I am hoping that my anemia and diabetes will not adversely affect the outcome of the surgery. My blood is as thin as water right now, so I am a little apprehensive. I don't want a blood transfusion.

I can't wait to wrap her in her blankets from home ... I have been sleeping with them so they will have my scent on them so she will feel safe and secure.

I know it's silly, but I can't wait to brush her hair.

I can't wait till everyone gets to hold her in their arms and praise God for the miracle that she is. I know when people hold her, they will acknowledge what a miracle she is, because they (you) all have been praying for her. I feel like I owe you all a small piece of her in a weird way because your prayers have taken us this far!

I want to listen to her voice. I can't wait to hear what she will sound like.

I want to see her little chest move up and down when she breathes.

I can't wait to feel her grasp my finger.

I hope I don't squeeze her too hard or kiss her face off ... I don't know if I will be able to contain myself!!!

I am afraid of not sleeping.

I am afraid of post partum depression ... I pray against it hoping the Lord will spare me from more hormonal creepy stuff.

I am hopeful that I will have a smooth recovery ... I want to bundle her up and take her on walks ... I want to go everywhere with her, and also just stay home and cuddle with her and Daniel.

What will it be like? To hug him close again without that belly in the way? I can't wait for that either!

Sleeping on my stomach ... YAY!

Oh my gosh ... so many things to look forward to!

So many things that I wonder about ... how do you use a breast pump? How will I know the difference between the I am hungry cry and the I am hurting cry?

So many questions that will only be answered over time.

Will I get pregnant again? I don't really want to, to be honest ... I feel like this almost killed me. I am looking forward to adopting our next baby.

Will Sonora love Jesus??? I HOPE and PRAY she will.

Please God, help me to be the best mom she could ever have. Help me to love her the way YOU would ... not the way I would.

I am seriously unable to even comprehend all of this. I wonder if it would be different if I didn't know the day and the hour ... would I just be going to bed like normal tonight???

How hungry will I be in the morning? I have 4 minutes left to eat something, and then no food or drink until about 2pm tomorrow ... yikes!

I wish I had a sugar raised donut ...

I have to go to bed and get my feet up. I can't sleep ... but I NEED to ... because from what I heard, I won't sleep for the next few weeks.

Okay ... enough rambling ... please pray for us at noon and on ...

see you on the flip side of parenthood!

Love,
Antoniette